Articles Published March 20, 2026

Nation’s Hockey Fans Discover Free Streaming Just Means More Ads, Worse Quality Science
Geothermal Startup Fervo Finally Secures Funding to Begin Researching Geothermal Energy Corporate
Scientists Discover Magnetic Fields Can Also Guide Lab-Grown Ethics into Precise Patterns Corporate
Tottenham Hotspur Unveils New 'Perpetual Transfer Rumor' Division, Promises Endless Speculation Corporate
UCLA Coach Mick Cronin Demands Big Ten Install Moving Walkways between Arenas Sports
Nation's Film Critics Declare Next Year's Best Picture Winner Six Months Early Culture
Advocacy Group Demands Robust Debate, Provided It Leads to Their Pre-Determined Conclusion Politics
Owner of 'Britain's Smallest Dog' Claims Animal Cruelty Conviction Is Just 'Big Dog' Bias Weird
AI Discovers Humans Have Been Walking Around with a Secret Organ This Whole Time Science
New Play Finally Solves Vaccine Debate by Having Actors Yell at Each Other for 90 Minutes Tech
Canada Declares Space 'the New North,' Plans to Plant Tiny Flag on Moon Politics
Local Animal Rescue Pleads with Public to Stop Treating Pets Like Expired Yogurt Tech
New Corn Disease Found to Be Just Pretending to Be Iron Deficient for Attention Tech
Archaeologists Confirm Ancient Romans Also Thought Their Neighbors Were Annoying Weird
Bravo Halts 'Real Housewives' Production After Cast Members Start Behaving Like Actual Human Beings Weird
New Plant Disease Reportedly Just Messing with Farmers for Kicks Weird
Ancient Romans Nailed down Bureaucracy Even in Death, Archaeologists Confirm Weird
Big Ag Unveils Revolutionary New Crop Disease that Looks Exactly Like Something Else Tech
Real Housewives Production Halted After Cast Runs Out of Manufactured Drama to Pretend Is Real Weird
Archaeologists Confirm Ancient Romans Were Just as Anxious as We Are Weird
Reality TV Show Paused After Cast Runs Out of Fictional Problems Culture
New Plush Toy Line Offers Adults 'Emotional Support' through Inanimate Breakfast Foods Lifestyle
Childhood Boredom Now a Billion-Dollar Industry, Experts Confirm Politics
Music Industry Unveils Algorithm Capable of Generating 'Authentic' Cross-Genre Collaborations Tech
New Study Confirms Workplace Gossip Is Only Form of Effective Communication Science
DirecTV Sues to Ensure Only *They* Can Charge You for Content You Already Pay For Tech
New Study Confirms Workplace Gossip Is the Only Effective Communication Channel Science
FCC Approves Massive Media Merger After Confirming It Will Not Affect Anyone’s Personal Outrage Levels Tech
DirecTV Sues to Prevent Other Companies from Charging You More for the Same Content Tech
FCC Approves Massive Media Merger, Citing 'Crucial Need for Fewer Voices' Corporate
Nexstar Acquisition of TEGNA Completes Nation’s Transition to Single, Unified News Anchor Corporate
Media Conglomerate Nexstar Completes Acquisition of All Remaining Local News, Promises 'Hyper-Local' Content from Dallas HQ Corporate
Local TV Merger Approved, Promising Viewers Even More Local News About Traffic and that One Cat Stuck in a Tree Corporate
Local TV Merger Approved: Viewers Now Have Even Fewer Options to Not Watch Corporate
FCC Approves Local News Merger, Citing Efficiency in Delivering Identical Stories Corporate
FCC Approves Mega-Merger, Promises Nation Even More Identical Local News Segments Tech
Trump Campaign Unveils 'Pain Tolerance' Training Regimen for 2024 Politics
Precious Metals Market Announces New 'Emotional Support' Category for Volatile Investors Tech
Trump Campaign Unveils New 'Political Pain Tolerance' Metric for Voters Politics
Uber Announces Groundbreaking New 'Human Driver' Initiative to Revolutionize Ride-Sharing Corporate
Gold, Silver Investors Reportedly Panicking After Realizing Money Is Just Imaginary Points Tech
Uber CEO Confirms Company Is 'Absolutely Crushing It' by Letting Other Companies Take All the Risks Corporate
Trump, Takaichi Reportedly Discussed Iran War that Has Not yet Occurred Sports
Trump, Takaichi Meeting Devolves into Heated Debate over Best Way to Pronounce 'Iran' Politics
Texas Democratic Senate Candidate Promises to Eat Meat if Elected, but Only 'Ethically Sourced' Meat Politics
Texas Democratic Senate Candidate Forced to Clarify He Does, in Fact, Own a Grill Politics
Scientists Achieve Temperatures so Low They Accidentally Invented New Form of Existential Dread Science
Harvard Scientists Discover Cold Is, in Fact, Quite Chilly Science
Local Sports Team Discovers Revolutionary Strategy: Playing One Game at a Time Sports
Airport Gift Shop Employee Promoted After Successfully Identifying Real Possum Amidst Plush Counterparts Tech
US Soccer Federation Pays Coach $5 Million to Not Win Anything Yet Sports
Local High School Basketball Coach Hailed for Groundbreaking 'One Game at a Time' Strategy Sports
Airport Gift Shop Unveils New "Authentic Regional Wildlife" Plush Line, Starting with Live Possum Tech
U.S. Soccer Federation Announces New 'Participation Trophy' for Coaches Sports
Democrats Unveil Bold New Strategy: Animal Rights over Border Enforcement Politics
BC Wildfire Zones Now Offering 'Subscription Service' for Annual Infernos Science
New Study Confirms Male Resentment of Confident Women Is Actually Just a Cry for Help with Laundry Science
Morehouse College Introduces 'Mid-Game Detention' as New Fan Engagement Strategy Sports
Grammy-Winning Duo Releases New Album Specifically to Prove They Didn't Peak Culture
Gulls Sign Lucrative Multi-Year Deal to Expand Human Plastic Footprint Weird
Grey's Anatomy Announces New Character Whose Sole Purpose Is to Be Consistently Misunderstood Corporate
Musician Feid Discovers Key to Happiness Is Owning All His Own Stuff Corporate
OpenAI Unveils New 'Everything App' Designed to Consolidate All Your Existential Dread Tech
IMSA Announces Groundbreaking Plan to Keep Things Exactly the Same, but with More Looking Trends
New Study Reveals Most Amazon Alternatives Are Just Amazon with a Hat On Science
Overwhelmed Animal Shelter Declares 'Code Red,' Begins Drafting Pets into Essential Service Sports
Analysts Confirm Geopolitical Tensions Primarily Exist to Justify Higher Gas Prices Politics
AI Now so Good at Impersonating Humans, It’s Demanding Better Pay Tech
Datacor Acquisition Promises to Eliminate All Future Unpleasant Surprises for Shareholders Corporate
Nielsen Announces Traditional TV Is Back, Citing Data from Last Time It Was Popular Tech
Football Clubs Announce New 'Pre-Season Speculation' Training Camps Sports
US Lawmakers Discover Northern Ireland Exists, Vow Immediate, Unwavering Support Politics
Nation Reels as 'Bachelorette' Cancellation Reveals True Cost of Societal Cohesion Weird
Researchers Isolate Exact Chemical Compound Responsible for 'Perfect First Kiss' Feeling Science
New York Lawmakers Vow to Fight Transparency until Their Last Breath Politics
Bucks Announce Innovative New Team-Building Exercise: Synchronized Swimming Sports
Le Creuset Unveils New $22 'Entry-Level' Enamel Chip, Citing Accessibility Concerns Corporate
Broadway Producers Announce New 'Authenticity Consultant' Role After Megan Thee Stallion Casting Tech
AI-Powered Gene Editing Tool Immediately Begins Correcting Humanity's Most Annoying Traits Science
New Climate-Resilient Wheat Strain Demands Al Dente Perfection from Farmers Science
Google Simplifies App Sideloading by Adding More Steps to the Process Tech
Google Unveils New 'Streamlined' 24-Hour Process for Users to Actively Opt into Malware Tech
New York Retailers Demand More Tragic Historical Romances to Boost Sales Lifestyle
New York City Retailers Report Surge in Sales of 'Unreachable Wealth' Aesthetic Lifestyle
Meta Reverses Metaverse Shutdown, Citing 'Unprecedented User Engagement' from Zero People Tech
Meta Announces Metaverse Will Remain Open until Company Remembers to Close It Tech
Nation’s Top Scientists Confirm Thirst Traps Now Officially a Renewable Energy Source Science
Nation’s Top Scientists Confirm: 'Thirst Traps' Now Officially a Major Economic Indicator Finance
Meta Offers up to $9,000 for Creators to Pretend Facebook Is Still Relevant Tech
Archaeologists Confirm Ancient Romans Were Also Just Making Stuff up as They Went Weird
MLB Teams Announce Groundbreaking Trade Involving 'Highly Theoretical' Prospects Sports
Meta Offers 'Loyalty' Bonus to Creators Who Remember Facebook Exists Tech
Archaeologists Confirm Ancient Romans Also Had that One Friend Who Just Wouldn't Leave Weird
MLB Teams Announce New 'Hypothetical Trade' Divisions to Streamline Offseason Speculation Sports
FIFA Announces Groundbreaking Discovery: Women Capable of Coaching Women Sports
Scientists Discover Gravitational Waves Have Been Secretly Judging Your Life Choices All Along Science
AI Companies Announce New 'Loyalty Tax' for Users Who Can No Longer Function without Chatbots Tech
Google Unveils 'Vibe Design' AI, Promises Interfaces that Feel Like Something Tech
Cannes Film Festival Announces New 'Golden Filter' Award for Most Authentic Brand Integration Culture
Google Unveils 'Vibe Design' to Help Tech Bros Finally Articulate What They Want Tech
Google Unveils 'Vibe Design,' Reassures Engineers They Can Still Use Keyboards for 'Vibe Coding' Tech
Google Unveils 'Emotional AI' Capable of Designing Interfaces that Truly Resonate with Your Wallet Tech
Cannes Film Festival to Award Golden Palm for Most Engaging Unboxing Video Culture
Cannes Film Festival Announces New Category: 'Best Performance by an Algorithm in a Sponsored Post' Culture