Science
Scientific breakthroughs, environmental crises, and medical discoveries that sound too weird to be true. From climate change denial to space exploration mishaps, we cover the intersection of science, policy, and human stubbornness.
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Latest Stories
Agency Declares Anything Not *immediately* Carcinogenic Now Cleared for Direct Consumption, Citing "Streamlined Innovation."
Researchers Confirm New Cosmic Anomaly Offers No Immediate Solution to Rent, Global Warming, or Your Crippling Phone Addiction.
International Body Reclassifies Planetary Conditions, Advises Public to Adjust Expectations for the Permanently Unadjusted.
New Genomic Research Confirms Domestic Felines Have Been 'Pre-Screening' Human Ailments for Millennia, Preparing for Our Eventual Needs.
After Decades of Advanced Robotics and Multi-Billion-Dollar Rockets, Humanity's Future Among the Stars Apparently Rests on Micro-Organisms That Thrive in Damp Basements.
Experts Confirm Centuries of Reproductive Struggle Boil Down to a Newly Identified 'Desire Cortex' That Simply Wasn't Trying Hard Enough.
Four Humans Embark on Orbital Vacation, Leaving Behind a Planet Actively Trying to Kill Itself.
Panel Finds the Biggest Challenge Isn't the 'Humanity' of the Living Tissue, but Optimizing Quarterly Output.
Researchers Blame "Unruly Adolescent Star Formation" for the Cosmos's Awkward Early Years, Suggesting It Was Just "Figuring Things Out" Before It Could Be Truly Profound.
The Long-Held "Water From Afar" Narrative Was Apparently Just a Charming Story We Told Ourselves About the Solar System.
Advocates Insist Fecal Decor and Structural Compromises Are Vital for Species Cohabitation.
The Medical Community Hails a New Study as "Revolutionary," Offering a Fleeting Glimpse of Heart Health for Those Quick Enough to Catch It.
The Groundbreaking Finding Could Save Billions If Someone Had Thought of It Before the Coral Was Dead.
Local Officials Scramble to Identify Funding for 'Ecological Border Patrol' as Iguanas and Capybaras Disrupt Suburban Tranquility.
The Latest Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change Report Will Now Include Crucial Insights From the Very Nations Most Invested in Its Primary Driver.
A New Paper Suggests the Planet's Notoriously Slow Rotation Created an Irresistible Gravitational Vortex, Ensuring Its Celestial Companion Spiraled Inward for a Messy, Inescapable End.
Industry Leaders Commend New Guidance for Providing "Unprecedented Operational Clarity" in Wildlife Management.
Researchers Hail "Unprecedented Glimpse Into the Abyss" While Investors Demand a Clear Path to Monetization for the Transparent, Vaguely Phallic Deep-Sea Invertebrate.
New Cosmic Classification Guarantees Endless Funding Cycles, Countless Conferences, and the Sweet Relief of Never Having to Admit "We Have No Idea."
After Decades of Encroaching on Public Beaches, Cliffside Residents Now Baffled by Nature’s Lack of Respect for Private Property Lines.
The Protein-Rich Μbites, Engineered From Recycled PET Plastic and Agricultural Runoff, Will Finally Make Humanity's Diet as Efficient as Its Waste Production.
New Hybrid Lab Subjects Deemed "Perfectly Optimal" for Pharmaceutical Testing as Long as They Don't Demand Collective Bargaining.
Agency Spokespeople Confirm the Discovery Guarantees Sustained Taxpayer Investment in Cosmic Housekeeping Operations.
The Celestial Polygon, Researchers Confirm, Holds Absolutely No Bearing on Your Landlord's Rent Hike or the Impending Societal Collapse.
