LOS ANGELES, CA – In a move lauded by corporate lawyers and bemoaned by anyone with a cable bill, DirecTV has filed a lawsuit to block the proposed merger between Nexstar and Tegna, citing concerns that the combined entity would gain undue leverage in negotiations over local broadcast content.

The suit, filed Tuesday, argues that allowing Nexstar to acquire Tegna would create a media behemoth capable of demanding exorbitant retransmission fees for local channels, a practice DirecTV believes should remain firmly within its own purview. “Our primary concern is ensuring that consumers continue to receive their local news and programming without being held hostage by a single, dominant provider,” stated DirecTV spokesperson, Brenda Piffle, from an undisclosed location where she was presumably counting money. “That’s *our* job.”

Industry analysts suggest the legal action is less about protecting the public and more about protecting DirecTV’s ability to be the primary entity extracting fees for content that is, by definition, broadcast over public airwaves. “It’s a classic turf war,” explained media economist Dr. Reginald Snodgrass. “They’re not fighting over whether you’ll pay more; they’re fighting over *who* gets to make you pay more for the same thing.”

The lawsuit highlights the increasingly complex web of corporate maneuvers that dictate how Americans access their television, often resulting in higher costs and fewer choices for the end-user. “We’re just trying to preserve the delicate balance of corporate power that allows us all to thrive,” Piffle added, before clarifying that ‘all’ specifically referred to corporate shareholders.

Sources close to the negotiations confirm that consumers, as usual, are not expected to benefit from any outcome.