Tech

Silicon Valley hubris, tech innovation gone wrong, and the digital dystopia we're all living in. From AI chatbots having existential crises to social media platforms imploding in real-time, technology has never been more entertaining or terrifying.

30 stories

Tech

JPMorgan Announces AI Will Now Handle All Employee Performance Reviews

The move is expected to streamline the annual assessment process while simultaneously introducing a new era of unfeeling, data-driven judgment.

3h ago3 views

New Fetal Stem Cell Patch Now Available for Pre-Emptive Perfection of Unborn Children

Scientists announce a groundbreaking stem cell patch capable of addressing developmental issues, with plans to expand its application to general 'optimization.'

3h ago

Google Announces Pixel 10a: The Only Phone Capable Of Being Indistinguishable From Its Predecessors

Tech giant hails groundbreaking achievement in iterative design, promising users an experience virtually identical to what they already own.

3h ago

Experts: Your Annual Self-Improvement Cycle Is Now Officially A Subscription Service

Leading life coaches confirm that the yearly quest for personal growth has transitioned into a mandatory, recurring payment model.

3h ago

Latest Stories

global oil prices surge, U.S. producers express shock at making less money than expected

Industry leaders reportedly baffled by the concept of 'not maximizing every single available profit margin at all times.'

3h ago

Meta AI Shopping Assistant Recommends Users 'Just Buy Everything'

Early testers report the groundbreaking artificial intelligence offers surprisingly unhelpful, yet undeniably efficient, purchasing advice.

3h ago1

Billionaires Discover 'Emerging' Investment Opportunities Like Bitcoin, Soccer

Wealthy family offices reportedly stumbled upon several obscure assets poised for growth, sources close to the matter confirm.

3h ago

Apple Unveils New 'Student Loan Starter Pack' With $499 MacBook

Tech giant aims to foster a lifelong commitment to premium-priced electronics, starting in the classroom.

3h ago

Nation Shocked To Learn Politicians’ Promises Are Often Just Words

A groundbreaking new study confirms that electoral pledges frequently dissolve into thin air upon assuming office.

3h ago

Lindsay Lohan's New Comedy Hailed As Unifying Force For Its Ability To Offend All

Critics and audiences across the ideological spectrum find common ground in universal disdain for the film's content.

3h ago2

Influencer's Sister Tragically Dies In Future, Publicist Confirms

Sources close to the family confirm the untimely passing of Madeline Ross, scheduled for early 2026, leaving fans to mourn prematurely.

3h ago2

Hulu Announces New Feature Allowing Users To Remember They Have Hulu

The streaming giant hopes its innovative 'Active Recall' button will finally prompt subscribers to actually open the app.

8h ago6

New Study Confirms Dating Apps Are Just Online Waiting Rooms For The Inevitable

Researchers find that despite endless optimization, users are primarily queuing for a future they haven't quite articulated.

8h ago4

Nation's Schools Announce New 'History-Adjacent' Curriculum To Avoid Awkward Details

Educators confirm that focusing solely on 'the good parts' of the past ensures a more streamlined, less confrontational learning experience for everyone.

8h ago4

New AI Tool Promises To Automate All Uncomfortable Relationship Conversations

Developers tout 'Emotional Intelligence 2.0' as the future of conflict resolution, allowing users to outsource their feelings to algorithms.

8h ago4

Einstein Posthumously Fined For Attempting To Tell God What To Do

A newly unearthed decree from the Universal Bureau of Metaphysical Affairs cites the late physicist for 'unauthorized theological consultation' and 'excessive dice-related commentary.'

8h ago7

Nation's Couples Now Outsourcing Relationship Decisions To Algorithm-Driven Quizzes

Experts warn that the digital 'green light' for marriage and cohabitation is often just a glorified personality test with questionable data integrity.

8h ago

Nielsen Confirms America Still Watches Whatever Is Currently On

New data reveals viewers consistently choose programs that are actively airing, shocking no one.

8h ago

New Study Confirms Smartphone Gimbals Now Legally Required For All Human Movement

Experts warn that any un-stabilized footage of daily life could lead to societal collapse.

14h ago18

New ‘Mindfulness Toaster’ Forces Users To Contemplate Bread’s Journey From Field To Plate

The device, which offers only a single, deliberately slow setting, aims to combat the 'tyranny of instant gratification.'

14h ago7

Trent Reznor Announces Nine Inch Nails Will Now Be A Lifestyle Brand

The industrial rock icon confirmed the band’s next phase will focus on artisanal angst and bespoke despair.

14h ago24

Airlines Shocked To Discover Fuel Is A Major Operating Cost

Industry executives express bewilderment after new report links jet fuel prices to airline profitability.

14h ago5

Cavaliers Extend Winning Streak Against Teams That Weren't Really Trying

Cleveland's latest victory solidifies their dominance over opponents whose primary goal was to get home before traffic got bad.

14h ago2

Nation's Hockey Players Report Sudden, Unexplained Allergy To Winning

Experts baffled as top athletes develop mysterious aversion to success following recent political affiliations.

14h ago2

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Doing Things You Enjoy Boosts Brain Function, Overall Mood

Researchers confirm that engaging in activities one finds pleasurable correlates directly with increased happiness and cognitive sharpness, shocking literally no one.

14h ago2

England Rugby Coach Admits Team Selection Now Based Purely On Who Showed Up To Practice

Sources close to the squad suggest the 12 changes for the upcoming Italy match are less about strategy and more about basic attendance.

14h ago2

TGL Golf Declares Second Season 'Wildly Successful' Despite Audience Confusion Over What It Is

Organizers laud another triumphant season of the tech-infused golf league, even as public remains unsure if it's a video game, a TV show, or an elaborate tax write-off.

15h ago3

Experts Warn Humanity Now Completely Incapable Of Experiencing Joy Without Nostalgia

A new study reveals that the human brain can only process positive emotions when comparing them to a perceived 'better' past.

22h ago3

Nation’s Top Negotiator Admits Best Deal Is One That Makes Opponent Look Bad

Sources close to the administration confirm that geopolitical strategy has been entirely replaced by a complex system of 'owning the libs' and 'owning the cons.'

22h ago2

Scientists Discover Earth May Be 200% More Annoying Than Previously Thought

New research suggests that for every known species, two identical-looking, genetically distinct species are actively engaged in making life slightly more complicated.

22h ago2

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Today's Top Stories

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Tech

JPMorgan Announces AI Will Now Handle All Employee Performance Reviews

New Fetal Stem Cell Patch Now Available for Pre-Emptive Perfection of Unborn Children

Google Announces Pixel 10a: The Only Phone Capable Of Being Indistinguishable From Its Predecessors

Experts: Your Annual Self-Improvement Cycle Is Now Officially A Subscription Service

Latest Stories

global oil prices surge, U.S. producers express shock at making less money than expected

Meta AI Shopping Assistant Recommends Users 'Just Buy Everything'

Billionaires Discover 'Emerging' Investment Opportunities Like Bitcoin, Soccer

Apple Unveils New 'Student Loan Starter Pack' With $499 MacBook

Nation Shocked To Learn Politicians’ Promises Are Often Just Words

Lindsay Lohan's New Comedy Hailed As Unifying Force For Its Ability To Offend All

Influencer's Sister Tragically Dies In Future, Publicist Confirms

Hulu Announces New Feature Allowing Users To Remember They Have Hulu

New Study Confirms Dating Apps Are Just Online Waiting Rooms For The Inevitable

Nation's Schools Announce New 'History-Adjacent' Curriculum To Avoid Awkward Details

New AI Tool Promises To Automate All Uncomfortable Relationship Conversations

Einstein Posthumously Fined For Attempting To Tell God What To Do

Nation's Couples Now Outsourcing Relationship Decisions To Algorithm-Driven Quizzes

Nielsen Confirms America Still Watches Whatever Is Currently On

New Study Confirms Smartphone Gimbals Now Legally Required For All Human Movement

New ‘Mindfulness Toaster’ Forces Users To Contemplate Bread’s Journey From Field To Plate

Trent Reznor Announces Nine Inch Nails Will Now Be A Lifestyle Brand

Airlines Shocked To Discover Fuel Is A Major Operating Cost

Cavaliers Extend Winning Streak Against Teams That Weren't Really Trying

Nation's Hockey Players Report Sudden, Unexplained Allergy To Winning

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Doing Things You Enjoy Boosts Brain Function, Overall Mood

England Rugby Coach Admits Team Selection Now Based Purely On Who Showed Up To Practice

TGL Golf Declares Second Season 'Wildly Successful' Despite Audience Confusion Over What It Is

Experts Warn Humanity Now Completely Incapable Of Experiencing Joy Without Nostalgia

Nation’s Top Negotiator Admits Best Deal Is One That Makes Opponent Look Bad

Scientists Discover Earth May Be 200% More Annoying Than Previously Thought

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