A groundbreaking new study from the Institute for Advanced Consumerism (IAC) has confirmed what many shoppers have long suspected: the vast majority of online retailers touted as 'Amazon alternatives' are, in fact, either owned by Amazon, powered by Amazon Web Services, or simply a smaller, less convenient version of Amazon.

“We meticulously tracked consumer behavior across 21 so-called alternative platforms,” explained Dr. Evelyn Thorne, lead researcher for the IAC. “What we found was a fascinating, almost existential, dilemma. You think you’re branching out, supporting independent businesses, but then you realize your artisanal soap is being shipped from an AWS-powered fulfillment center, or the ‘local’ bookstore is actually a subsidiary of a private equity firm that also owns a significant stake in Amazon.”

The study, published yesterday in the *Journal of Retail Irony*, highlighted several common pitfalls for the ethically minded shopper. Many direct-to-consumer brands, while appearing independent, rely heavily on Amazon’s logistics infrastructure or advertising ecosystem. Others are simply niche market consolidators, offering a curated experience that ultimately funnels profits to familiar corporate entities.

“It’s like trying to avoid water by jumping into a slightly different puddle,” Dr. Thorne added. “The water’s still wet, and you’re still getting your feet dirty in the same system.” The report concluded that true Amazon alternatives are increasingly rare, often requiring significant personal effort, such as bartering goods or learning to knit your own socks.

Consumers looking to truly escape the Amazon orbit may need to consider moving off-grid or developing entirely new consumption habits, according to the study, which also noted that the report itself was hosted on an AWS server.