WASHINGTON D.C. – Federal regulators have officially approved a $6.2 billion merger between two media giants, a move analysts say will streamline local television by reducing the number of stations viewers can actively ignore. The newly consolidated entity, tentatively named 'MegaCorp Broadcast Holdings, Inc.,' promises to deliver an even more efficient viewing experience, primarily by offering fewer distinct choices.

“This isn't about eliminating options; it’s about optimizing the viewer’s inability to find anything relevant,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a media consolidation expert from the Institute for Redundant Information. “Why force people to cycle through five local channels showing the same syndicated reruns and slightly different versions of traffic reports, when they can now do it with just three? It’s a win for channel surfers everywhere.”

The merger is expected to result in significant cost savings, primarily through the reduction of duplicate personnel, such as 'that one reporter who covers all the ribbon-cutting ceremonies' and 'the meteorologist who always struggles with the green screen.' Industry insiders suggest the freed-up capital will be reinvested into developing more sophisticated algorithms to predict precisely when viewers will switch to streaming services.

“Our goal is to ensure that when a viewer does stumble upon local news, it feels like a comforting, familiar embrace of generic content,” explained Bartholomew 'Barty' Finch, a spokesperson for MegaCorp. “We’re talking more stories about surprisingly large vegetables, fewer investigative pieces that might upset local advertisers, and a guaranteed 7-day forecast that changes daily.”

Critics argue the merger will further erode local journalistic integrity, but sources close to the deal insist the integrity was already pretty eroded, so it's mostly just tidying up.