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Politics

Political theater, government incompetence, and policy decisions that leave everyone scratching their heads. Bipartisan coverage of the legislative circus, executive overreach, and the eternal question: "Wait, they did WHAT?"

Caroline Maddox
Section Editor
Caroline Maddox
Senior Political Correspondent
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Latest Stories

After Tight Primary, Iowa GOP Delegates Convene to Remember Who's Boss
Politics

After Tight Primary, Iowa GOP Delegates Convene to Remember Who's Boss

Sources Confirm the Party Is "Really Good at This Stuff" and the Voters Just "Weren't Getting It."

74 views·17h ago
Trump's 'Legal Defense' Fund Closes, Citing 'Mission Accomplished' on Personal Wealth Transfer
Politics

Trump's 'Legal Defense' Fund Closes, Citing 'Mission Accomplished' on Personal Wealth Transfer

Former President Observed Golfing, Confirms Next Grift Will Simply Be 'More Overt' and 'Closer to the Pins.'

22 views·1d ago
Powell Cautions Public Against Believing They Have Say in Their Own Governance
Politics

Powell Cautions Public Against Believing They Have Say in Their Own Governance

The Unelected Banker Reiterated the Importance of Institutions Operating Free From the Inconvenience of Democratic Input.

46 views·1d ago
Federal Agency Declares White Men Officially Most Oppressed Class in America
Politics

Federal Agency Declares White Men Officially Most Oppressed Class in America

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission Has Pivoted to Ensuring Every Job Goes to Someone Who Looks Like a 'Guy Who Owns a Boat' Commercial.

92 views·1d ago
West Hartford Extends Juneteenth to Full Month, Cites "Holistic Engagement Opportunity"
Politics

West Hartford Extends Juneteenth to Full Month, Cites "Holistic Engagement Opportunity"

Town Officials Praise the Ability to "Optimize Historical Reflection" Across Multiple Weekends, Ensuring Maximum Civic Participation and Local Business Uplift.

48 views·1d ago
Lobby Group Wins Award for Achieving 'Narrative-Induced Public Fatigue'
Politics

Lobby Group Wins Award for Achieving 'Narrative-Induced Public Fatigue'

Industry Insiders Celebrate a New Benchmark in Crafting Stories so Convoluted, the Public Just Stops Asking Questions.

66 views·2d ago
Local Official Applauds Arrest of Resident Who 'Threatened' Data Center Investment Vibes
Politics

Local Official Applauds Arrest of Resident Who 'Threatened' Data Center Investment Vibes

Authorities Confirmed the Arrest Was a Necessary Pre-Emptive Measure to Protect Vital Economic Development From the Unforeseen Costs of Public Opinion.

37 views·2d ago
California Halts New AI Toy Sales, Declares Children Finally Safe From Future Tech It Helped Create
Politics

California Halts New AI Toy Sales, Declares Children Finally Safe From Future Tech It Helped Create

Officials Confident the New Ban Will Prevent Any Direct Exposure to Artificial Intelligence Until at Least Puberty.

63 views·2d ago
China Launches Satellite to Export 'Harmonious Internet' Experience Globally
Politics

China Launches Satellite to Export 'Harmonious Internet' Experience Globally

New Orbital Platform Promises to Bring the "Great Firewall" to Every Corner of the Planet, Ensuring Universal Digital Tranquility.

26 views·2d ago
Swing States Demand Socialism After Local Starbucks Latte Hits $17
Politics

Swing States Demand Socialism After Local Starbucks Latte Hits $17

Political Strategists Warn That Basic Economic Stability Could Unravel the Very Fabric of American Exceptionalism.

46 views·2d ago
Louisiana Lawmakers Courageously Protect State From Too Much Democracy
Politics

Louisiana Lawmakers Courageously Protect State From Too Much Democracy

New Maps Promise a More Unified Electorate, Simplifying the Complex Task of Representation for Everyone.

86 views·4d ago
SC Democrats Hail Stagnation as Major Political Triumph
Politics

SC Democrats Hail Stagnation as Major Political Triumph

Party Leaders Confirm Preventing Opposition Advancements Now Considered Peak Legislative Performance.

77 views·4d ago
Local Candidate Russell Pledges to 'Engage with Humans,' 'Consider Houses' in New Platform
Politics

Local Candidate Russell Pledges to 'Engage with Humans,' 'Consider Houses' in New Platform

Experts Hail Groundbreaking Commitment to Acknowledging Basic Societal Structures.

24 views·5d ago
Whitmer Heroically Steps Aside From Race Nobody Asked Her to Run
Politics

Whitmer Heroically Steps Aside From Race Nobody Asked Her to Run

Michigan Governor Cites Commitment to Family, Netflix Queue, and Avoiding National Ridicule.

44 views·5d ago
Springsteen Promises 'Ruckus' so Mild It Will Barely Rustle Linen Curtains
Politics

Springsteen Promises 'Ruckus' so Mild It Will Barely Rustle Linen Curtains

The Septuagenarian Rock Icon Assures Fans His Pre-Election Activism Will Remain Strictly Within the Bounds of Stadium Sound Systems and Secure Digital Platforms.

92 views·5d ago
Illinois Lawmakers Draft New Cannabis Laws, Citing Urgent Need to Maximize State Revenue
Politics

Illinois Lawmakers Draft New Cannabis Laws, Citing Urgent Need to Maximize State Revenue

The Complex Legislative Package Prioritizes State Revenue Extraction Over the 'Public Good' It Purports to Protect.

39 views·May 27
New AI Tool Ensures Candidates Always Say the Right Thing, Even When They Don't
Politics

New AI Tool Ensures Candidates Always Say the Right Thing, Even When They Don't

The Technology Promises to Deliver Voters a Completely Authentic, Believable Version of Their Preferred Public Servant, Carefully Crafted From Zero Actual Policy Positions.

100 views·May 26
Black Lawmakers Announce Bold New Plan to Fight Ghost of Voting Rights Act
Politics

Black Lawmakers Announce Bold New Plan to Fight Ghost of Voting Rights Act

The Caucus Will Now Utilize a Strategic Combination of Press Conferences and Impassioned Floor Speeches to Battle the Long-Defunct Legislation.

79 views·May 26
White House Excludes Scientists to Streamline 'Vibes-Based' Pandemic Response
Politics

White House Excludes Scientists to Streamline 'Vibes-Based' Pandemic Response

Administration Officials Confirm the Move Will Ensure Decisions Are Made Swiftly, Free From the 'Distracting Influence' of Epidemiological Data.

63 views·May 26
Trump Claims Iran Peace Deal 'Largely Negotiated,' Attributes Success to 'My Gut Feeling'
Politics

Trump Claims Iran Peace Deal 'Largely Negotiated,' Attributes Success to 'My Gut Feeling'

Former President Asserts Years of Complex International Diplomacy Were Mere Busywork Compared to His Singular, Powerful Intuition.

35 views·May 25
Nation Achieves Peak 'Freedom Temperature' This Memorial Day, Say Officials
Politics

Nation Achieves Peak 'Freedom Temperature' This Memorial Day, Say Officials

Record-Shattering Heat in Montana Hailed as an Economic Stimulus for Air Conditioning and a Test of Patriotic Endurance.

21 views·May 25
Nation's Labs Beg Congress: Please Let Us Breed Our Own Tiny, Sufferable Test Subjects
Politics

Nation's Labs Beg Congress: Please Let Us Breed Our Own Tiny, Sufferable Test Subjects

Failure to Secure Robust, On-Demand Supply of Pain-Receptors Threatens Humanity's Greatest Scientific Advancements.

53 views·May 23
Durban to Offer Cash Incentives for Citizens to Reclaim Impounded Cars.
Politics

Durban to Offer Cash Incentives for Citizens to Reclaim Impounded Cars.

Officials Admit the City’s Overflowing Impound Lot Is Now South Africa’s Largest Accidental Scrap Metal Exhibition.

80 views·May 23
Trump's Revenge Machine Now Primarily Operates on Self-Destruct Mode
Politics

Trump's Revenge Machine Now Primarily Operates on Self-Destruct Mode

The Former President’s Intricate System of Political Retribution Has Finally Achieved Peak Efficiency, Rendering External Opponents Unnecessary.

74 views·May 22
Republicans Bravely Explore 'Moderate Disapproval' of Trump-Era Policies Now That It's Safe
Politics

Republicans Bravely Explore 'Moderate Disapproval' of Trump-Era Policies Now That It's Safe

Party Leaders Laud Their Independence, Citing 'Post-Election Clarity' and a Pristine Record of Prior Obedience.

42 views·May 22
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