High School Powerlifters Qualify for State, Immediately Face Pressure to Monetize Their Strength
Athletes reportedly fielding offers for everything from competitive jar opening to structural demolition work.
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High School Powerlifters Qualify for State, Immediately Face Pressure to Monetize Personal Brands
Athletes reportedly fielding offers for 'pre-workout smoothie' endorsements and 'inspirational' TikTok content.
Cornyn Unveils Revolutionary 'Thought-Crime' CDL Ban, Anticipates Democratic Opposition to 'Common Sense'
Senator believes Democrats will defend the 'right' of undocumented truckers to merely *think* about operating a commercial vehicle, citing 'deep-seated empathy for vehicular abstract concepts.'
Homeland Security Officer Cleared After Grand Jury Finds Victim 'Insufficiently Deceased' to Warrant Charges
Panel concludes 11-month delay in reporting incident was 'standard bureaucratic processing time' for existential matters.
