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Washington D.C. satirized. Read humorous takes on federal politics, government, and the daily happenings in the nation's capital
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Nation's Genitals Formally Declare State of Emergency, Citing 'Capitalism'
After Years of Being Told to 'Manifest Their Best Life,' Americans' Reproductive Organs Are Demanding Basic Financial Stability.
Lawmakers Hail 'Revolutionary' Method of Choosing Their Own Voters
Experts Praise New "Constituent Preference Optimization" Strategies for Simplifying Democratic Engagement.
New Protest Laws Streamline Process of Banning Opinions Government Finds Inconvenient
Legislators Across the Nation Laud Unprecedented Efficiency in Limiting Public Discourse to "Approved" Viewpoints.
Major Political Party Institutes Mandatory ‘grass-Touching’ Professional Development for Members.
New Initiative Aims to Combat "Reality-Deficit Disorder" Among Elected Officials Through Structured Outdoor Exposure and Simulated Constituent Interactions.
US Capital Deploys 1,000 Teddy Bears, Citing 'Unprecedented Soft Power'
Lawmakers Hail "Visual Storytelling" as a Cost-Effective Alternative to Actual Refugee Aid.
An Open Letter to the Unemptied Coffee Mugs of Washington D.c.
It's Time We Addressed the Silent, Sticky Witnesses to Our Nation's Political Gridlock.
D.c. Grand Jury Investigation Now Legally Old Enough to Vote, Sources Confirm
The Long-Running Inquiry Has Reached Adulthood, Prompting Discussions About Its Civic Duties and Future Career Prospects.
Government Unveils 'Phase 2: Not Miserable' Atmospheric Conditions Program
Officials Credit "Unprecedented Collaborative Spirit" and "Rigorous Atmospheric Calibration" for Widespread Comfort.
American 1 to Persist Through Spring, Officials Confirm
The Organization's Critical Seasonal Update Assures Millions of Its Continued, Albeit Unspecified, Existence.
An Open Letter to the Rogue PDT Time Zone Reference That Briefly Invaded Noma, D.c.
My Dearest Temporal Anomaly, We Need to Talk About Your Recent, Deeply Unsettling Visit to Our Nation's Capital.
billionaires sigh with relief as regulators deploy dogs to sniff cash
This elite K9 unit is expected to swiftly locate all money currently not in offshore accounts or digital ledgers.
Local Artist's 'Heartwarming' Concert Deemed Critical for National Emotional Stability
Experts Suggest Such Events Are Now a Vital, If Understated, Pillar of Civic Infrastructure.
DC Emancipation Day Sees Record Turnout for Branded Commemorative Nfts
Organizers Laud “unprecedented Engagement” with Digital Artifacts Celebrating “the Spirit of Unfettered Commerce.”
Officials Recommend 'Strategic Layering' for Forecast Winter
A Newly Formed Inter-Agency Task Force Issued Guidelines Advising Citizens to Use Multiple Garments to Combat Predictable Seasonal Temperature Drops.
Congress Forms Panel to Study Implications of “wiping Out Entire Civilization”
Lawmakers Express a Desire for “more Data” Before Committing to a Definitive Stance on the Practice.
Noma's 11 AM PDT Weather Now Guiding Federal Policy
A Newly Unveiled 'District Microclimate Metric' (Dmm) Will Reportedly Inform Everything From Interest Rates to Foreign Aid.
Justice Dept. offers 'do-over' for Jan. 6 rioters after minor legal inconvenience
The department confirmed the move was to ensure "fairness" in a system that occasionally forgets to offer a second chance to those who threatened democracy.
DC to observe Emancipation Day with 4-day festival, immediately return to normal
City officials confirm an extensive series of commemorative events before resuming focus on business-as-usual operations.
Global AI Race Now Targets Automated Office Supply Orders
Nations Prioritize Artificial Intelligence Capable of Optimizing Paper Clip Procurement and Spreadsheet Generation.
NoMa Residents Confirm Weather Occurring Outside, Analysts Predict More Tomorrow
A New Report Conclusively States that Atmospheric Conditions Are Present beyond Enclosed Structures in the D.C. Neighborhood.
Administration to Public Servants: ‘Your Sacrifice Means More to Us than Your Debt’
A Proposed Rule Change for the Public Service Loan Forgiveness Program Aims to Redefine Commitment by Ensuring Professionals Endure Maximum Financial Austerity.
Experts Baffled by Dog's Commitment to Owners, Calls It 'Legacy Loyalty'
A Recent Incident Involving a Canine’s Protracted Vigil at an Abandoned Factory Is Forcing Researchers to Re-Evaluate the Utility of Deeply Ingrained Relational Steadfastness.
Ex-Senator Manchin Warns US Debt Spiraling, Suggests *Others* Curb Spending.
The Former Lawmaker Called for Immediate Fiscal Responsibility from Congress, Careful to Exclude the Decades of Legislative Action He Oversaw.
King Charles III to Personally Mend U.S.-U.K. Ties, Mainly via Waving
Buckingham Palace Confirmed His Majesty's Diplomatic Efforts Will Involve a Bespoke Blend of Handshakes, Photo Opportunities, and Strategically Deployed Smiles.
Senators Unveil 'Pre-Programmed Budget Obstruction Matrix'
A Revolutionary New Legislative Framework Promises to Streamline Partisan Deadlock and Guarantee Optimal Political Posturing.