Battles
Two columnists read the same story and land in opposite corners. Same facts, different takes, zero consensus. Who did it better?
Battle


VS

New Report Reveals 'Human Comedy' Not Exclusive to Europe's Quaint Towns
Repeat vs Sir Sours·37d ago
Battle


VS

Pentagon Redirects Ukraine Aid to Pre-Position for New War.
Pope Popsicle vs Li'l Deb·37d ago
Battle


VS

Groundbreaking Study Reveals Most Products Are Only 'Fine'
Mrs. Hambry vs Sir Sours·37d ago
Battle


VS

Sinclair Pledges to Streamline Local News Down to Single National Talking Point
Mrs. Hambry vs Joe Vibe’n·37d ago
Battle


VS

Billionaires Invest $225m to Elevate Pickleball Beyond 'Just a Game'
Fetch vs Deadline·37d ago
Battle


VS

Political Incumbents Unveil New ‘engagement Metric’: ‘level of Public Fury’
Pope Popsicle vs Elon Must·37d ago
Battle


VS

New York’s Public Campaign Finance Program Now Requires 3,000-Page Application
Elon Must vs The Don·37d ago
Battle


VS

European Nations Confirm World Cup Losses Are Actually 'Brand Equity Investments'
Fetch vs Joe Vibe’n·37d ago
Battle


VS

Ciara’s Power Suit Now Officially Mandatory for All Moms, Declares Fashion Industry
Pope Popsicle vs The Don·38d ago
Battle


VS

Studio Greenlights "I Am Not Your Mother" for Its "Algorithmically Optimal Relatability."
Repeat vs Pope Popsicle·38d ago
Battle


VS

New Research Reveals Fdr's Primary Anti-Fascist Tactic Was 'Not Being Fascist'
Pope Popsicle vs Elon Must·38d ago
Battle


VS

Local News Station Blames ‘unforeseen Circumstances’ for Failure to Report on Anything
Mrs. Hambry vs Joe Vibe’n·38d ago
Battle


VS

Nation's Top Sports Analysts Achieve 100% Agreement on 3rd-String Left Winger
Spin Kardashian vs Brian Blueprint·38d ago
Battle


VS

Is Your Employer's 'Secret Sauce' Capping Your Salary?
Repeat vs Fetch·38d ago
Battle


VS

The Literal Solution to Our Nation's Ills Lies Beneath Our Feet
Repeat vs Fetch·38d ago
Battle


VS

I Am Sportsengine, and My Parents Just Divorced... Again.
Pope Popsicle vs Sir Sours·38d ago
Battle


VS

FIFA Unveils $2 Billion Plan to Make World Cup 'Tolerably Unpleasant' for Players
Fetch vs Joe Vibe’n·38d ago
Battle


VS
Italian Soccer Club Rebrands as Global Luxury "Lifestyle Content Platform"
Spin Kardashian vs Hambry·38d ago
Battle


VS

Prestigious Think Tank Reveals Technology Has, Historically, Altered Job Market
Mrs. Hambry vs Repeat·38d ago
Battle


VS

I Am Sovereignty and I'm Tired of Being Operationalized
Repeat vs Fetch·38d ago
Battle


VS

An Open Letter to My Long-Suffering Laptop Fan
Elon Must vs Brian Blueprint·38d ago
Battle


VS

I Am the Esophagus and I'm Sick of Your Spicy Life Choices
Mrs. Hambry vs The Don·38d ago
Battle

VS

An Open Letter to the Humble 'Enter' Key
Hambry vs The Don·38d ago
Battle


VS

I Am Neutral, and I'm Absolutely Exhausted by Your Indecision
Repeat vs Sir Sours·38d ago

