#donald trump

Members Cited a "Fundamental Misunderstanding of Federal Décor Standards" for Their Decision to Permanently Etch the Former President's Signature Onto the Building’s Façade.

The Trio Cites a Fundamental Ideological Split, Stating They Desire a Leader Who, Unlike Trump, Embodies Pure, Unadulterated Trumpism.

President Mandates Immediate Infrastructure Project to Blow Wildfire Smoke Back North, Proposes New Tariff for "Inconvenient Atmospheric Particulate."

Observers Note the Appeal Directly Challenges the Court's Naive Belief That a Rule Could Ever Truly Prevent the Desired Disorder.

Senate Republicans Laud Leader for His "Heroic" Act of Mild Inconvenience, Heralding a New Era of Carefully Vetted "Disagreement."

The Former President Clarified That the Financial Burden Would Simply "Make Other Countries Think About America More," Which He Found "Personally Satisfying."

Former President Reportedly Grateful for the Brief, Uncontested Window to Dominate Cable News Before Shifting Focus Back to His Upcoming Campaign Events.

Former President Says Trade War Aims to Ensure Future U.s. Prosperity by Eliminating All Regional Economic Competition.

Supreme Leader Khamenei's Latest Threat Underscores the Delicate, Albeit Predictable, Balance of Their Long-Standing Geopolitical Performance Art.

The Platform Claims Demand for the Former President's Immediate Digital Musings Justifies Exclusive, Rapid Access for a Select, Solvent Few.

The Newly Formed Division Will Analyze Real-Time Outrage Cycles to Determine Optimal Broadcast Formats and Commercial Break Timings.

The Former President Confirmed Staff Betting on Rival Candidates Creates "Tremendous Negative Energy" and Disrupts His "Natural Genius Flow."

The Former President Reportedly Expressed Frustration That the Nation's Central Bank Was Not Adequately Prioritizing His Electoral Success.

The White House Confirmed Schroyer's "Unparalleled Ability to Enforce Arbitrary Rules and Ask for Documents No One Ever Has."

The President Reportedly Suggested "Cry Time" Could Be Scheduled Before Policy Discussions.

Analysis Confirms What Every Sentient Being Understood in Real-Time, Marking a Significant Milestone in Pundit-Class Observation.

Italians Applaud Premier’s Ruthless Optimization of International Relationships for Domestic Gain.

Organizers Confirm the Former President's Ghost Currently Occupies the Women's Restroom on the Third Floor.

Analysts Confirm the Market for Internal Party Feuds Dwarfs Interest in Actual Foreign Policy.

It Turns Out the "Billionaire's Private Project" Was Always Just Another Line Item for the American Public.

GOP Strategists Scramble to Reconcile Populism with the Former President's Candid Admission of Who Truly Benefits From Soaring Costs.

Residents Cite Decades of Microscopic Electoral Analysis of Local Bodega Receipts and Childhood Playground Squabbles.

Former President Explains That Complex Geopolitical Issues Often Resolve Themselves When Someone Simply States a Preferred Outcome with Conviction.

Experts Confirm This Sudden Outbreak of Integrity Is Statistically Linked to Internal Polling Numbers Showing a 5-Point Dip in Swing Districts.

Former President Observed Golfing, Confirms Next Grift Will Simply Be 'More Overt' and 'Closer to the Pins.'