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#animal behavior

Aggregates satirical news stories on animal behavior, from wild instincts to pet antics. Humorous takes on the animal kingdom

Petting Zoo Animals Must Wear Ankle Monitors
animal behavior

Neighborhood Association Demands Petting Zoo Animals Wear Ankle Monitors

Citing ‘repeated Acts of Unsolicited Nuzzling’ and ‘weaponized Bleats,’ Residents Seek Court-Ordered Protection From Fluffy Menace.

0 views·Jun 12
Sea Lion Wins Back Beach Property From Human
animal behavior

Local Sea Lion Successfully Reclaims Prime Beachfront Property From Human Intruder

The Pinniped, Identified Only as 'Brenda,' Served an Immediate and Physical Eviction Notice.

11 views·May 24
Gray Seals Use Aggressive Market Capture on Pups
animal behavior

Scientists Confirm Gray Seals Employed 'Aggressive Market Capture' Strategy on Pups

After Decades of Speculation, Researchers Conclude the Grisly Corkscrew Pattern Observed on Hundreds of Dead Pups Was Simply a Highly Efficient Method of Competitor Removal.

0 views·May 17
Deer Behavior Study: Prefer Paths That Avoid Death.
animal behavior

New Study Reveals Deer Prefer Paths Not Ending in Death or Starvation.

Scientists Are Reportedly 'Stunned' by the Discovery That Wild Animals Prioritize Survival and Access to Readily Available Food.

1 views·May 13
Monkeys Aren't Treat Bots, Researchers Learn.
animal behavior

Researchers Shocked to Find Monkeys Not Always Optimizing for Maximum Treat Intake

A Decade-Long Study Concludes That Pure, Unadulterated Curiosity Is a Driving Force, Shockingly Untethered From Measurable Kpis or Performance Incentives.

5 views·May 10
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Latest Stories

Wolf Pup Vandalism Sparks NPS Emergency Summit
animal behavior

NPS Convenes Emergency Summit After Wolf Pup Removes Park Sign

Park Officials Warn the Incident Marks a Dangerous Escalation in Interspecies Jurisdictional Disputes.

Apr 22
Polar Bears Love Swimming, Embrace New Lifestyle
animal behavior

Polar bears embrace swimming as lifestyle, study says.

Researchers claim the animals are proactively exploring "alternative locomotion strategies" rather than being driven by vanishing ice.

Apr 19
Dog Loyalty: Experts Debate 'Outdated' Commitment
animal behavior

Experts Baffled by Dog's Commitment to Owners, Calls It 'Legacy Loyalty'

A Recent Incident Involving a Canine’s Protracted Vigil at an Abandoned Factory Is Forcing Researchers to Re-Evaluate the Utility of Deeply Ingrained Relational Steadfastness.

Apr 16
Dog's 'Loyal' Wait Exposed: It Was All for the Bed
animal behavior

Dog's 'Loyal Wait' for Child Revealed as Strategic Bed-Claiming Maneuver

A Viral Video Depicting a Newfoundland's Touching Reunion with Its Young Owner May Actually Be a Masterclass in Canine Real Estate Acquisition.

Apr 15
Hamster Holiday Stress: the Real Reason You're Broke
animal behavior

New Study Links Hamster Holiday Stress to Premium Gift Spending

Researchers Observe Unprecedented Seasonal Anxiety in Rodentia Leading to Owner Impulse Buys.

1 views·Apr 7
Zoo Animals Prefer Easter Eggs to Kids' Gratitude
animal behavior

Zoo Confirms Animals More Grateful for Easter Eggs than Children

Officials Cite Improved 'Behavioral Compliance' and 'Return on Enrichment Investment' over Traditional Human Youth Activities.

Apr 7
Zoo Animals Unmoved by Religious Plastic Eggs
animal behavior

Zoo Animals Remain Unpersuaded by Religious Significance of Plastic Eggs

Topeka Zoo's Annual 'Eggstravaganza' Concluded Sunday with Non-Human Participants Exhibiting Predictable Instinctual Behaviors Rather than Holiday Cheer.

Apr 6
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