FBI Elevates Threat Level to 'Mildly Annoyed' After Discovering Nation's Supply of Tahini Running Critically Low
Officials confirm heightened alert status directly linked to dwindling hummus reserves and potential falafel shortages.
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Mar 21, 2026
Officials confirm heightened alert status directly linked to dwindling hummus reserves and potential falafel shortages.
Feb 28
New directive aims for 'unwavering ideological purity' and 'maximal operational efficiency' by eliminating 'legalistic distractions.'
Feb 26
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