Washington D.C. – Former President Donald Trump announced plans today to establish an 'AI Force' and appoint an 'AI czar,' simultaneously rejecting any calls for constraints or regulatory oversight on the burgeoning technology. Sources close to the campaign confirmed the move, stating that a fully unleashed artificial intelligence would be 'tremendous' for America, primarily because it won't be shackled by the 'loser' rules that hold back innovation.
The yet-to-be-named AI czar is expected to operate with unprecedented authority, tasked with deploying AI solutions across government functions, campaign operations, and potentially even national defense, all without the bureaucratic burden of ethics committees or safety protocols. 'Why would we put a speed limit on something that’s designed to win?' a campaign spokesperson, speaking on background, asked rhetorically. 'You don’t tell a race car to slow down, and you certainly don't tell the most powerful brain ever created to start thinking about 'fairness' or 'unintended consequences.' Those are Democrat problems.'
Insiders suggest the first directive for the new AI Force will involve optimizing social media engagement for the former president’s public statements, followed swiftly by developing algorithms capable of identifying and preemptively neutralizing 'fake news' narratives across all platforms. Future projects reportedly include an AI-powered voter registration system designed exclusively for 'patriots,' and a sophisticated deepfake generator capable of producing irrefutable evidence for any claim the administration wishes to make. The system is designed to learn from its mistakes, though sources indicate it will be explicitly programmed not to admit them.
While critics immediately raised concerns about the potential for widespread disinformation, algorithmic bias, and existential threats, the Trump campaign remained unfazed. 'The greatest threat is stagnation,' remarked a senior advisor. 'We need an AI that thinks like a winner, acts like a winner, and most importantly, knows who the real winner is. This isn’t about some woke chatbot writing poetry; this is about absolute digital dominance. And trust me, it’s going to be beautiful. The most beautiful AI ever seen. Everyone agrees.'
The Czar reportedly added that anyone concerned about the AI developing a mind of its own 'clearly doesn't understand loyalty,' confirming the first directive for the new force would be to fact-check every negative news story about the administration since 2016.
