The News, Remastered

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#classical music

Aggregates satirical news about classical music. Features humorous articles on composers, orchestras, instruments, and concert hall antics

Poway Symphony to Perform, Hopes Gen Z Can Put Down Phone for 90 Minutes
The Orchestra's Latest Artistic Endeavor Will Face the Daunting Challenge of Competing with Curated Micro-Content and Algorithmic Dopamine Hits.
Missouri S&t Orchestra Performance Confirms Continued Existence of Classical Music
The Annual Performance at the Stem-Focused University Reassures Onlookers That Non-Algorithmic Entertainment Options Still Exist.
Critics Invent New Words for Cello Concert
Experts Warn of a Looming 'Lexical Crisis' as Critical Vocabulary for Classical Music Reaches Saturation Point.
Symphony Orchestra Announces Mandatory EDM Drops to Appeal to Youths
Citing 'Catastrophic Demographic Shifts,' Artistic Director Confirms All Future Concerts Will Feature Bass Drops and Smoke Machines.

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