The News, Remastered

Hambry

#st louis cardinals

Aggregating the latest satirical news and parody articles on the St Louis Cardinals baseball team. Funny takes on team events, players & fan culture

Cardinals Manager Nearly Sabotages One-Hitter to Protect Pitch Count Algorithm
Sources Say Analytics Department Still Reviewing Full-Game Performance for Alignment with "Sustainable Asset Management" Protocols.
Scientists Confirm Bryan Torres's "Magic" Is Just Normal Baseball
A Groundbreaking Study Finds Rookie's Recent Success Directly Correlated to Bats Hitting Balls, Not Arcane Forces.
Nationals to Attempt 'Getting Back on Track' for 14Th Time This Season
The Struggling D.C. Ballclub Will Once Again Enter a Pivotal Contest with Renewed Vigor and the Statistically Improbable Goal of Breaking a Continuous Five-Game Slide.

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