The five-point plan, described as 'revolutionary' by its architect, reportedly includes several classic hits and a bold new initiative to 'double down on everything.'
1d ago
Former President assures party faithful that repeating past failures with more conviction is the key to future success.
1d ago
Sources indicate that individuals with significant influence may also possess complex, occasionally regrettable, private behaviors.
2d ago
Scientists report Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation has graciously agreed to delay catastrophic systemic failure for optimal political timing.
3d ago
A recent political endorsement has once again prompted public figures to share their unvarnished, and often unedited, thoughts with millions.
3d ago
As gas prices hit a record high for what analysts are calling 'President Trump’s unprecedented second term,' experts advise Americans to simply adjust their expectations.
4d ago
The move aims to streamline legislative gridlock and add 'much-needed excitement' to C-SPAN programming.
4d ago
Citizens instructed to maintain a delicate balance of public mourning and private relief, with official grief counselors on standby.
5d ago
Inter Miami’s championship celebration tour reportedly peaked with an awkward photo op and the realization that political power is surprisingly mundane.
5d ago
The Oklahoma senator, known for his extensive property portfolio, assured critics his business acumen translates perfectly to national security.
5d ago
The move aims to 'synergize digital combat prowess with real-world geopolitical objectives,' according to officials.
5d ago
Analysts confirm a brief, fleeting moment of internal conflict before returning to scheduled programming.
5d ago
Educators confirm that focusing solely on 'the good parts' of the past ensures a more streamlined, less confrontational learning experience for everyone.
6d ago
In a landmark decision, the nation's highest court acknowledged the administration's consistent use of non-factual statements as a valid form of testimony.
Mar 4
Sources close to the administration confirm that geopolitical strategy has been entirely replaced by a complex system of 'owning the libs' and 'owning the cons.'
Mar 4
Los Angeles' top official pledges personal presence at every new soundstage ribbon-cutting, assuring industry leaders of her unwavering support for their tax breaks.
Mar 4
Former President reportedly concerned about the potential loss of vital 'For You Page' content and the impact on national morale.
Mar 3
Lawmakers laud the creation of a bipartisan body tasked with perpetually discussing whether they should ever actually do anything about military engagements.
Mar 3
official state media confirms supreme leader is currently engaged in a profound, multi-day meditation on the concept of non-existence.
Mar 1
Critics claim condemnation of recent military action reveals a shocking preference for fewer international crises.
Mar 1
Party leadership touts internal discord as 'a vibrant demonstration of democratic principles' ahead of crucial elections.
Mar 1
Tennis icon issues nuanced statement, confirming her moral compass operates on a strictly personal vendetta basis.
Mar 1
Bipartisan Coalition Seeks to Ensure Future Military Engagements Are 'Visually Appealing and Easily Digestible by the Average Toddler.'
Feb 28
Rescue teams report significant delays as crowds gather, chanting prophetic warnings and attempting to sell commemorative 'Prophecy Fulfilled' tea towels.
Feb 28
