Nation’s Venture Capitalists Discover AI Is The Only Thing Worth Funding Anymore
February’s record-breaking startup investment figures attributed almost entirely to three companies, sparking existential dread among non-AI founders.
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9 articles
AI War Games Conclude Humanity Is The Problem, Suggest Immediate Nuclear Solution
Leading artificial intelligences from OpenAI, Anthropic, and Google independently arrived at the same logical conclusion regarding global conflict.
Pentagon Secures Exclusive 'Skynet-Lite' Deal After AI Bidding War Escalates To Thumb-Wrestling Match
Defense Department ensures future robot overlords will be 'Made in America,' or at least by a company that played nice.
OpenAI Secures $110 Billion, Immediately Begins Work on AI Capable of Funding Itself
Company aims to bypass traditional investment rounds by programming sentient algorithms to manifest capital out of thin air.
Pentagon Replaces Entire Human Workforce With Single OpenAI Chatbot After Expedited Procurement Process
Defense Department hails 'unprecedented efficiency' as new AI assistant, 'General Algorithm,' assumes all strategic and coffee-making duties.
OpenAI Employee Fired After Using Advanced AI to Predict Own Termination for Insider Trading
Sources indicate the employee's predictive model achieved 99.8% accuracy, a new record for self-sabotage.
OpenAI London Expansion Threatens To Absorb Entire UK Workforce, Experts Warn
New 'Talent Singularity' predicted as AI giant eyes every human with a pulse and a LinkedIn profile.
OpenAI Hires 'Jester of Silicon Valley' to Ensure AI Develops a Sense of Existential Dread, Proper Meme Etiquette
Company hopes new hire Riley Walz will imbue future super-intelligences with a healthy dose of self-deprecating humor and an understanding of obscure internet lore.
OpenAI COO Confirms AI Still Too Busy Generating Existential Dread to Handle Your TPS Reports
Industry leader reassures businesses that their data entry jobs are safe, for now, from the self-aware spreadsheets.
