CBS News Unveils New 'Targeted Demographics' Initiative, Promises Hyper-Specific Reporting for 'Just You, Karen'
Network brass reassures viewers that objectivity is merely being 'recalibrated' for maximum engagement with pre-approved voter segments.
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BBC Correspondent Declares Culiacán 'Surprisingly Adequate' for Live Broadcasts Amidst Cartel Skirmishes
Veteran journalist Quentin Sommerville praises city's 'robust' internet infrastructure, 'dynamic' background noise for engaging television.
Supreme Court Mandates 'Pre-Approval Laughter' for All Future News Reports Critical of Public Officials
Journalists now required to submit comedic interpretations of their own findings to a newly formed 'Department of Jovial Oversight' before publication.
Nation Magazine Staffers Accidentally Time-Travel, Report on 1850s Maritime Escapes While Still Covering Midterms
Editorial team confirms 'brief temporal dislocation' led to unprecedented journalistic breadth, confusing interns.
