International community notes that heads of state typically expire from natural causes, elaborate pastry-related incidents, or sudden, inexplicable golf cart malfunctions.
Mar 4
Officials state the latest demise of Ayatollah Khamenei is 'definitively definitive,' unlike the previous 37 times.
Mar 1
Officials confirm that while humanitarian concerns are noted, the current instability presents a 'strategic window' too valuable to ignore.
Mar 1
Officials hail new initiative as 'efficient' and 'surprisingly fun' amidst unprecedented regional conflict.
Feb 28
Officials hail the innovative initiative as a 'highly efficient' method for expressing geopolitical grievances.
Feb 28
Analysts confirm unprecedented digital bombardment designed to 'gently persuade' Iranian regime into self-dismantling.
Feb 28
Officials confirm strikes are purely symbolic, designed to 'overthrow the government in spirit' while preserving current infrastructure.
Feb 28
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