Judge Rules Migrants Must Now Be Deported to *Their Own* Imaginary Countries
New court order complicates already intricate 'send them anywhere' immigration strategy, sources confirm.
Tag
#immigration
5 articles
Cornyn Unveils Revolutionary 'Thought-Crime' CDL Ban, Anticipates Democratic Opposition to 'Common Sense'
Senator believes Democrats will defend the 'right' of undocumented truckers to merely *think* about operating a commercial vehicle, citing 'deep-seated empathy for vehicular abstract concepts.'
GOP Unveils 'Border Wall of Emotion' Strategy After SOTU Immigration Pivot
New plan involves deploying highly-trained empathy-blocking agents and 3D-printed tears to secure the southern frontier.
ICE Confirms Agents Will Not Be Patrolling Polling Places Dressed As Giant Voting Machines
Department of Homeland Security official clarifies agents will instead be 'subtly observing' from adjacent donut shops and suspiciously well-maintained shrubbery.
Nation's Prisons Report Alarming Shortage Of 'Easy-To-Find' Criminals
Officials warn that the dwindling supply of readily locatable, non-violent visa holders is threatening the efficiency of the penal system.
