New ‘Mindfulness Toaster’ Forces Users To Contemplate Bread’s Journey From Field To Plate
The device, which offers only a single, deliberately slow setting, aims to combat the 'tyranny of instant gratification.'
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#consumer products
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New Study Confirms All Products Now Made From Same Cheap, Unstable Materials
Researchers find a universal degradation across consumer goods, suggesting a single, highly profitable, low-quality source.
Quantum Entanglement Company Now Selling 'Unbreakable' Digital Locks For Your Fridge
Qunnect, pioneers of the 'unhackable' quantum internet, pivot to consumer goods, promising unparalleled security for leftover pizza.
New LEGO Botanical Sets Officially Replace All Other Adult Hobbies
Experts confirm the intricate plastic flora offers the perfect blend of mindfulness, accomplishment, and not having to touch dirt.
DNA Test Kit Manufacturer Announces New 'Existential Crisis' Guarantee
Company promises full refund if genetic results fail to sufficiently destabilize your sense of self and family history.
Tide Unveils 'Evo Tiles': Laundry Detergent So Simple, It Requires Advanced Degrees to Comprehend Its Simplicity
New fibrous squares promise to revolutionize domestic chores by making the act of 'not thinking' an intellectual pursuit.
New 'Omni-Terrain' E-Bike Replaces All Other Bikes, Marriages, and Personal Identities
Industry experts warn the 'Salsa Wanderosa' could render all other forms of transportation, leisure, and self-definition obsolete by Q3.
