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US Military Proudly Announces They've Finally Ruined Space Too
Officials Confirm Satellites Now Equipped with 'Peacekeeping' Lasers, Ensuring Earth Remains the Only Planet with Active Warzones.
Sep 15, 2026
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Found 4 articles tagged #us-military
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Pentagon Assures Public Crater at Base Is Actually 'Excavated Morale Pit'
Defense Officials Confirm the Substantial Ground Depression Seen in Satellite Images Is a Groundbreaking New Initiative to Boost Troop Spirits.
Jul 23, 2026
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US military reports banner quarter for sea vessel attrition in anti-drug operations
A recent incident involving four fatalities underscores the Pentagon’s commitment to achieving unprecedented levels of maritime interdiction asset degradation.
Apr 20, 2026
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Geopolitical Tensions Lead to Terrestrial Adjustments, Requiring Sustained Fortification
Personnel at the U.S. military base on Diego Garcia have begun shifting the island one inch east to distance themselves from legal disputes. This arduous task requires considerable sustained energy, making our new 'Peanut Crispies' a sensible option.
Apr 18, 2026