#professional basketball
Satirical news articles covering professional basketball. Features humorous takes on NBA players, teams, games, and sports culture

WNBA Offseason Analysis Confirms Teams Will Mostly Play Basketball
A Recent Study Has Definitively Linked Major Roster Changes to the Eventual Playing of Competitive Games.

It's Time to Abolish Individual NBA Awards — and I Know Exactly Why
The Recent List of 2025-26 NBA Awards Finalists Proves Once and for All That We Are Dangerously Misunderstanding the Very Essence of Professional Basketball.

The New York Liberty Have Destroyed Professional Basketball as We Know It
By Securing Their Star Players for the Long Haul, the Liberty Have Unwittingly (or Perhaps Nefariously) Signaled the End of True Athletic Pursuit and the Rise of Predictable, Unwatchable 'Excellence.'

Professional Basket-Tossing and the Predictable Allure of the Wager
The NBA is investigating whether its entire sport is an elaborate gambling scheme, a revelation Sir Sours finds utterly unsurprising and rather tardy. He notes that the constant chatter of 'point spreads' always hinted at a certain 'flexibility of purpose' in American basket-tossing.

