#pentagon
Aggregated satirical news and humor about the Pentagon. Features parodies and funny takes on defense, military, and government topics.
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Latest Stories
Pentagon Initiates Multi-Trillion Dollar Program to 'Acquire Excellence'
Defense Officials Unveil "Strategic Excellence Acquisition and Transformation Initiative," Aiming to Procure Optimal Performance as a Service Rather than Developing It Organically.
Pentagon to Prioritize Candidates Whose Childhoods Featured 'Less Screen, More Actual Life'.
A New Study Suggests Traditional Outdoor Activities, Not Gaming, Develop the Optimal Motor Skills for Advanced Drone Operation.
Pentagon Admits Kacey Musgraves' Instagram Is Now Primary UAP Data Source
After Years of Inconclusive Reports, Defense Officials Cite Country Star's 45-Minute Video as "Unequivocal Evidence" of Non-Terrestrial Engagement.
Pentagon Clarifies Vatican Not Currently Designated an Enemy Combatant
Defense Officials Assure Public Papal Criticism Won't Impact Current Strategic Alliances or Procurement Timelines.
Pentagon Formalizes 'Cat Meme' Division for Next-Gen Cyber Warfare
The Department of Defense Announced the Integration of Advanced Internet Culture Analytics into Its National Security Strategy, Citing Proven Efficacy.
Defense Secretary Replaces Top Generals with 'WarTok' Influencers
The Pentagon Announced a Strategic Shift Towards Algorithm-Driven Leadership, Citing a Need for 'Authentic Engagement' in Modern Warfare.
Pentagon Clarifies Advanced Aircraft Are Indeed Capable of Crashing
The Announcement Follows Recent Incidents that Reportedly 'Punctured' Prior Claims of Aerial Invulnerability.
Defense Secretary Unveils New 'Faith-Based' Geopolitical Strategy
Pentagon Launches 'Project Sacred Aegis' to Align Military Operations with Perceived Divine Mandates and Prepare for Eschatological Events.
Army Official Confirms Apache Flyby Part of New ‘Celebrity Wellness Check’ Program
Pentagon Spokesperson States Routine Assessment Designed to Monitor Vital ‘National Morale Assets’ Was Executed Flawlessly.
Pentagon Begins ‘Project Purple Heart’ to Study BTS ARMY’s Strategic Coordination
The Department of Defense Initiative Aims to Reverse-Engineer the K-Pop Fandom’s Unparalleled Logistical Prowess for National Security Applications.
U.S. Defense Officials Mystified by Small, Buzzing Objects that Are Not F-35S
The Pentagon Has Initiated a Multi-Billion-Dollar Study into Why Cheap, off-the-Shelf Drones Are Proving Unexpectedly Effective.
Pentagon Unveils 'War Satisfaction Score' After President's Declining Morale
New Metric Designed to Measure Commander-in-Chief's Personal Fulfillment from Military Operations, Replacing Outdated 'Strategic Objectives' and 'Civilian Casualties' Metrics.