San Francisco, CA — Veteran tech journalist, podcast host, and self-appointed arbiter of Silicon Valley’s moral failings, Kara Swisher, today announced the launch of "Influence-as-a-Service" (IaaS). This premium consulting firm is designed to help 2028 presidential hopefuls not just navigate, but dominate, the political landscape by leveraging Swisher's signature brand of "brutal candor" and unparalleled access to her own opinions.

The bespoke service, reportedly priced in the high seven figures plus equity options in a future cabinet position, offers an all-inclusive package. This includes "direct access to the Swisher hive-mind," "strategic social media 'roasting' sessions" for rival campaigns, and an "exclusive 'No B.S.' vetting process" where candidates are forced to explain their policy positions without using the words "synergy," "disrupt," or "the American people." Clients also receive a guaranteed segment on her next podcast, where they will be subjected to an hour-long, unblinking stare, ensuring maximum authenticity.

"For too long, politicians have been coddled by consultants who tell them what they want to hear," Swisher stated in a press release delivered via a secure, uncrackable neuralink broadcast direct to the global elite. "I'm here to tell them what *I* want them to hear, which, by sheer statistical probability and my own undeniable brilliance, happens to be the unvarnished truth they desperately need to get elected and then owe me favors." She added that any candidate not willing to commit to weekly "thought-leadership" sessions with her personal AI clone was "clearly not serious about governing."

Early adopters of IaaS are said to include several dark-horse candidates desperate for a "disruptor" halo, along with at least one established senator looking to shed their "out-of-touch" image by being publicly grilled on the metaverse's potential to centralize democratic power. Industry insiders suggest the move solidifies Swisher’s transition from a media figure who "holds power accountable" to one who simply "channels power for a lucrative fee."

"It’s brilliant, really," admitted a campaign manager, speaking anonymously after receiving their first IaaS invoice, itemized down to Swisher's "strategic eye-rolls." "Who better to tell me how to manipulate the media than the person who *is* the media, and frankly, seems to be enjoying it immensely?" Another source, an unnamed political strategist, quipped, "Kara isn't just seeking a seat at the table; she's building the entire damn dining room, then charging rent for the chairs."

The initiative is expected to streamline the 2028 campaign cycle by completely eliminating the pretense of objective journalism and cutting straight to the part where everyone openly admits they’re just trying to get rich or powerful, or both, while ensuring a select few gatekeepers get their cut of the action.