One hardly knows where to begin, or indeed, why one must, when presented with such — 'insights' — as this. The Hambry news desk, in its infinite wisdom, has deemed it pertinent to inform its readership that a gentleman, identified only as 'Chad' (a name, one notes, rather redolent of a certain predictable demographic), has expressed considerable consternation over the enduring characteristics of the state of Florida. It appears, to Mr. Chad's profound surprise, that Florida continues to be… Florida.
His lamentable litany of grievances — 'too much sun, too many people, and too many hurricanes' — reads less like a profound personal revelation and more like a tourist brochure, albeit one penned by a particularly jaundiced travel agent. Does he, one wonders, also complain that the ocean is excessively saline, or that the local fauna occasionally ventures forth from its natural habitat? One often wonders what precisely passes for 'news' in the Hambry newsroom these days — a query I have posed with increasing frequency since being informed that my decades covering actual political upheavals and sundry collapses of civilised order are less urgent than the musings of a man who packed his bags because the weather was, well, *weather*.
The sheer, unadulterated banality of this 'discovery' is, frankly, breathtaking. I recall covering the 1987 financial crash — a genuinely surprising turn of events for many, though not, I daresay, for those of us who had seen the writing on the wall, etched in figures far more compelling than Mr. Chad's sun-induced malaise. That was news. This, by comparison, feels rather like being asked to report on the precise moment a kettle boils, having been explicitly told it contains water and is currently on a stove.
The concept of 'Florida Fatigue,' or 'The Inevitable,' as your 'experts' — a title bestowed with increasing promiscuity, it seems — are apparently calling it, strikes one as a particularly American convolution. It is not 'fatigue'; it is a fundamental, almost childlike, misapprehension of geography and climate. People move to places for specific reasons; to then discover those reasons persist is not a crisis, it is merely the universe adhering to its established rules. One can only assume the next thrilling instalment will concern a resident of the Arctic Circle expressing dismay at the persistent chill. Perhaps then, the Hambry organisation will finally deem it fit to deploy a journalist who has, at some point, reported on something more substantial than the blindingly obvious. I shall await that day with bated breath, though I confess, my expectations remain firmly in the subterranean.
