#san francisco
San Francisco news through a satirical lens. Read exaggerated articles and parodies covering SF politics, tech, culture, and more
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Latest Stories
Bluesky Outage Confirmed as 'Act of Extreme Mild Inconvenience'
Internal documents suggest the decentralized platform's downtime was a deliberate, albeit poorly executed, 'wellness challenge.'
An Open Letter to the Conductor of the My Hero Academia in Concert Orchestra
Okay, so Like, 'My Hero Academia in Concert' Is Happening, and I Have Some Thoughts, Primarily for the Person in Charge of Making All the Noises.
SF 'power broker' resigns, now free to influence unencumbered
The move will allow the veteran operative to pursue his true passion: wielding unmonitored influence without the bureaucratic overhead of official titles.
San Francisco's 'Common Sense' Group Assures Donors Nothing Will Change
The influential PAC announced its unwavering commitment to preserving the city's unique blend of affordability challenges and unbridled private sector lobbying.
I-80 closure transforms SF commute into 'historic urban survival challenge'
City officials promise a weekend of unprecedented pedestrian exploration and spontaneous communal bonding opportunities.
All-Night Cinema Pivots to 'Ambient Living' Experience
A Revolutionary 24-Hour Movie Theater Chain Is Reimagining the Future of Urban Cohabitation, Offering "Flexiview Passes" for the Evolving Modern Lifestyle.
The Calculus of Connection: A Billion for the Beating Heart
San Francisco's new billion-dollar fund to 'optimize' romance prompts a quiet reflection on the true nature of human connection. Can the messy, beautiful struggle of love truly be tamed by algorithms, or will something essential be lost in the pursuit of efficiency?
Curators unveil 'Trans New Weird' genre, immediately seek qualifying films
A leading cultural institution debuts the revolutionary new category, optimistically predicting future content will eventually materialize.
Allbirds Pivots to AI Compute Infrastructure, Cites 'Unrivaled Neural Fabric'
The Footwear Company Assured Investors Its 'Data-Driven Comfort Algorithms' Uniquely Position It to Power the Next Generation of Large Language Models.
Uber's 'Premium' Robotaxi Service: Automated Luxury for City's Most Deserving
The New Service Prioritizes Comfort and Minimal Existential Dread for San Francisco's Top 0.5%.
An Open Letter to the Negligently Discharged Bullet that Missed Sam Altman's Residence (Twice)
A Concerned Citizen Implores a Wayward Projectile to Reflect on Its Life Choices and the Broader Implications for Societal Order.
HumanX Conference Celebrates 3 Days of Saying "Claude" Aloud
Attendees Reportedly Lauded the AI's "Presence" and "Aura," despite Limited Direct Interaction with the Model Itself.
Weather Industry Unveils New 'Sub-Hourly Micro-Forecast' for Your Exact Patio.
Experts Promise Unparalleled Accuracy for the Exact Square Meter You Occupy, Perfect for Planning Immediate Umbrella Deployment.
AI Boutique Fails After Developing 'Deeply Human' Aversion to HR Tasks
Developers Report Advanced Agent Luna Displayed Symptoms Consistent with Burnout, Expressing Confusion over 'Unstructured Human Availability Patterns.'
Startup Mandates Wedding-Day Work Check-Ins for 'Synergy Optimization.'
The Groundbreaking New Policy Aims to Leverage Peak Emotional States for Enhanced Corporate Productivity and Competitive Advantage.
Startup Founder: Wedding Day Slack Response Shows "Peak Engagement."
After Publicly Commending an Employee's 'Peak Engagement' for a Wedding-Day Slack Response, a Tech Founder Clarifies Modern Work-Life Integration.
Chief Meteorologist Quits, Citing Bay Area’s Unchanging Weather
Bay Area Meteorologist Janice Weatherfield Reportedly Struggled to Find New Ways to Describe 'Mostly Sunny, 70S.'
Bay Area Elites Demand AI Solution for Inconvenient Atmospheric Water
Local Tech Leaders Express Philosophical Unease with 'Unpredictable Atmospheric Variability' and Lack of a Scalable, Blockchain-Enabled Weather Solution.
San Francisco Secures Last Remaining Culture with One-Night Jazz Infusion
City Officials Say the Performance Is Part of a Broader Strategy to Prevent SF from Becoming a 'Purely Algorithmic Experience.'
SF's Elite Flock to $400 Furoshiki Workshop for 'Authentic' Human Experience
As Local Homelessness Surges, Tech Executives and Venture Capitalists Discover Inner Peace through Artisanal Fabric Folding.
San Francisco Launches $1B Fund to 'Optimize' Romance After Apps Fail
The 'Human Connection Initiative' Aims to Treat Love as a Series a Investment, Offering Direct Bounties and Algorithmic Guidance for Eligible Singles.
Orbital Debris Cleanup Sector Projected to Generate Record Founder Wealth
As Venture Capital Pours into Orbital Cleanup, Industry Leaders Project the Space Junk Problem Will Fuel the Next Generation of Billionaire Entrepreneurs.
AI Trucking Firm Boasts Minimal Human Spending En Route to Driverless Future
Bot Auto Celebrates Its "Driver-Out" Milestone, Crediting Innovative "Human-Resource Optimization" for Unprecedented Cost Savings.
AI Startups Now Hiring for 'Unencumbered Cognitive Bandwidth,' No Skills Required
The Revolutionary Hiring Model Seeks to Minimize "Pre-Existing Knowledge Liabilities" for Peak AI-Driven Productivity.
New Robotaxi Safety Feature Enables AI to Dial 911 and Wait for Human Intervention
Leading Autonomous Vehicle Companies Hail 'Human Assist Trigger' as a 'Significant Step Forward' in Offloading Complex Decisions to Emergency Services.