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#planned obsolescence

Aggregating satirical news about planned obsolescence. Humorous articles on products designed to fail and consumer culture.

7x Battery Life: UCLA Breakthrough Secured for Upgrades
planned obsolescence

Ucla's 7x Battery Secured by Phone Giant for 0.5% Annual Upgrade

Consumers Thrilled to Know Their Next Device Might Last Slightly Longer After Three More Generations of Planned Obsolescence.

0 views·1h ago
SSD Price Drop: Amazon's Planned Obsolescence Accelerates
planned obsolescence

Amazon Slashes SSD Price as Planned Obsolescence Accelerates

Analysts Confirm Consumer "Savings" Directly Tied to Tech Industry's Quarterly Refresh Cycle.

1 views·Jul 21
Google Celebrates Nest's E-Waste Success
planned obsolescence

Google Celebrates Nest's Successful Transition to Becoming E-Waste

The Tech Giant Praises Users for Diligently Participating in Its Pre-Programmed Obsolescence Initiative.

0 views·Jun 19
New Battery Life Ends After Warranty
planned obsolescence

Battery Breakthrough Extends Life Just Past Warranty, Report Finds

Experts Celebrate a Microscopic Innovation Ensuring Your Devices Fail on a Schedule Convenient for Manufacturers, Not You.

0 views·Jun 9
Liverpool Advised to Scrap 'Legend' Player Status
planned obsolescence

Liverpool Advised to Scrap 'Legend' Status, Embrace 'Planned Obsolescence' Model

Experts Recommend Treating Player Careers Like Consumer Electronics, Prioritizing Peak Short-Term Value Over Sentimental Clutter.

1 views·May 31
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Planned Obsolescence Memorials Hit Broome County
planned obsolescence

Broome County Officials Brace for Annual Tidal Wave of 'Planned Obsolescence Memorials'

Local Sanitation Teams Prepare for an Onslaught of Obsolete Kindles, Tangled Cables, and Perfectly Good Iphones Traded for Minor Camera Upgrades.

May 30
LG Oled: 0.003% Clearer Blacks Spark Upgrade Frenzy
planned obsolescence

Lg’s C6H OLED Delivers 0.003% Clearer Blacks, Sparking Upgrade Frenzy

Industry Experts Praise the Subtle, Almost Imperceptible Differences as a "Quantum Leap" in Planned Obsolescence Technology.

Apr 21
Toy Lifespan: Retailers Declare 3 Minutes Optimal for
planned obsolescence

Retailers Embrace 3-Minute Toy Lifespan as 'Optimal' for Easter Economy

Industry Experts Highlight New Production Paradigms Focused on Immediate Gratification and Predictable Post-Holiday Waste Streams.

Apr 5
Unprecedented Threat: Your PC Still Works. how Dare It!
planned obsolescence

Industry Analysts Concerned as Perfectly Good Hardware Refuses to Die

New Findings Suggest Millions of Functional Computers Could Pose an Unprecedented Threat to Quarterly Upgrade Cycles.

1 views·Apr 4
iPhone 6 Now a Historical Artifact in Museum
planned obsolescence

Museum Exhibit Finally Enshrines IPhone 6 as 'Historical Artifact'

The Mimms Museum of Technology and Art Has Opened a New Exhibit, Elevating Apple Products from Mere Consumer Electronics to Priceless Cultural Relics.

1 views·Apr 1
McDonald's Toys: Engineered for 4.7 Mins of Fun, Then Bin!
planned obsolescence

McDonald's Introduces 'Collectible' Happy Meal Toys Scientifically Engineered for Maximum Disposability

The Fast-Food Giant Confirms Its Latest Plastic Figures Are Optimized for an Average Child's Attention Span of 4.7 Minutes before Becoming Inert Clutter.

Mar 31
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