WASHINGTON D.C. — A high-level White House roundtable on the future of college sports has reportedly reached a groundbreaking consensus: college sports are, at their core, a form of athletic competition. Sources close to the administration indicate that the week-long discussions, involving top brass from various athletic conferences and legislative bodies, meticulously dissected the fundamental nature of these activities.

“We really drilled down into the data,” stated Dr. Evelyn Pinter, a newly appointed Special Advisor to the President on Competitive Recreational Endeavors. “Our findings conclusively show that participants in these ‘college sports’ often wear uniforms, operate within defined playing areas, and are, on occasion, cheered on by spectators. This is a monumental step forward in understanding the landscape.”

The panel also reportedly spent considerable time debating the precise definition of a “scholarship,” ultimately agreeing it was a financial arrangement. “It’s about ensuring the integrity of the game,” commented Senator Mitch O’Malley (R-KY), emerging from a closed-door session. “We need to make sure everyone understands that when a young person throws a ball for a university, they are, in fact, throwing a ball for a university.”

Further discussions are anticipated to determine if these athletes also attend classes, and if so, whether those classes involve reading.