PALM BEACH, FL – Former President Donald J. Trump today launched his latest initiative, a 'War on Fraud,' vowing to aggressively pursue financial malfeasance across the nation. Sources close to the campaign confirmed that the new policy includes a critical, albeit unstated, addendum: a comprehensive exemption for individuals who have previously received presidential pardons or who are otherwise considered allies.

“We are going to fight fraud like no one has ever fought fraud before,” Trump declared from his Mar-a-Lago residence, flanked by several individuals whose past legal troubles have mysteriously vanished from public discourse. “But let’s be clear, folks, there’s good fraud and there’s bad fraud. And we’re only going after the bad kind.”

The distinction, according to an anonymous campaign strategist, is fairly straightforward. “If you’ve broken the law but you’ve also been a loyal supporter, a donor, or perhaps just someone the President once complimented on their golf swing, that’s not really fraud in the spirit of the law,” the strategist explained, adjusting a 'Make America Great Again' hat. “That’s more like, uh, creative accounting. Or maybe just a misunderstanding.”

Legal experts were quick to praise the innovative approach. “This redefines jurisprudence,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a professor of theoretical law at the University of American Samoa. “It’s a bold move to formally codify the 'friend discount' into federal enforcement policy. It certainly streamlines the justice system, at least for a select few.”

Critics, meanwhile, suggested the initiative might be less about combating fraud and more about establishing a clear hierarchy of accountability. The campaign, however, remains undeterred, promising a future where justice is not only blind, but also selectively hard of hearing.