MAR-A-LAGO, FL – Former President Donald J. Trump has reportedly formalized a new, highly efficient endorsement strategy for the upcoming primary season, bypassing traditional metrics like policy alignment or fundraising prowess in favor of a singular, all-encompassing question: 'Did you ever look at me funny?' The groundbreaking approach aims to reshape the Republican Party into a unified front, free from the pesky burden of independent thought.

The new directive comes as Trump publicly endorsed a primary challenger to Kentucky Rep. Thomas Massie, a seven-term congressman whose past transgressions reportedly include voting against pandemic relief bills and, critically, failing to offer sufficient public adulation at precisely the right moments. Sources close to the former president indicate that Massie’s perceived lack of 'enthusiastic agreement' was the primary driver for the challenge.

“It’s really quite simple,” explained Mar-a-Lago Senior Strategist, Skip Bannister, polishing a gold-plated golf club. “We’ve moved beyond platforms and debates. Now, it’s about the vibe. Did you clap loud enough? Did you retweet with sufficient fervor? Did you, at any point, appear to be thinking your own thoughts? If the answer to that last one is yes, you’re out.”

Political analysts are hailing the move as a bold step towards a more streamlined political landscape. “Why waste time on legislative records when you can just check for eye-rolls?” mused Dr. Evelyn Pinter, a professor of Political Performance Art at the University of Central Florida. “This cuts straight to the heart of modern political loyalty: personal devotion over public service.”

The initiative is expected to significantly reduce the number of viable candidates, ensuring that only those with a proven track record of unwavering, even performative, fealty remain. Future primary endorsements will reportedly be based on a comprehensive review of social media likes, public appearances, and an advanced AI system designed to detect even the most fleeting micro-expressions of doubt.

In related news, several long-serving Republican incumbents are reportedly undergoing emergency facial reconstruction surgery to ensure their expressions remain perpetually agreeable.