MAR-A-LAGO, FL — Former President Donald J. Trump has unveiled a groundbreaking new political strategy, the 'Loyalty Sweep,' designed to identify and replace Republican officeholders who exhibit any deviation from his prescribed political doctrine. The program, which sources close to the former president describe as 'essential for party purity,' kicked off this week with a highly publicized visit to Kentucky's 4th congressional district, targeting Rep. Thomas Massie.

“We’re just cleaning house, folks. Some people, they just don’t get it. They don’t understand loyalty. They don’t understand winning,” Trump declared in a late-night social media post, which was then amplified by his campaign. “This isn’t about policy; it’s about spirit. And some spirits are just… weak. Very weak.”

The initiative is expected to deploy significant campaign resources, including rallies, digital ad buys, and personalized phone calls from the former president himself, to ensure that only '100% MAGA-certified' candidates hold office. Political strategist Brenda Glickman, speaking from her bunker, noted, “This is a bold move. Most parties try to unite for elections. Trump is actively spending millions to… well, to make sure everyone knows who’s boss. It’s certainly a strategy.”

When asked about the potential impact on broader election efforts, a campaign spokesperson, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being swept, stated, “Look, if you can’t win a primary against a guy who’s already a Republican, what good are you? This is about strengthening the party, one meticulously vetted, absolutely loyal individual at a time.”

The 'Loyalty Sweep' is slated to continue indefinitely, with analysts predicting a significant increase in internal party friction and a corresponding decrease in the number of Republicans who can remember why they ran for office in the first place.