LOS ANGELES, CA — In a move that has left economists and disaster relief experts scratching their heads, entrepreneur and cultural icon Paris Hilton has launched a new recovery fund aimed at supporting women business owners affected by various calamities. The fund, reportedly backed by an undisclosed consortium of 'vibey' investors, promises to provide assistance to those whose ventures have been, like, totally disrupted.

“It’s, like, really important for women to, like, have their own businesses and stuff,” Hilton stated in a pre-recorded message delivered via hologram at a launch event held in a metaverse nightclub. “And when, like, disasters happen, it’s, like, super un-hot. So we’re here to make sure their businesses can, like, keep being hot.”

Critics were quick to point out the fund's somewhat nebulous criteria for 'disaster' and 'recovery.' Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a professor of disaster economics at the University of Southern California, commented, “While any aid is welcome, the application process reportedly involves submitting a TikTok dance and a mood board, which doesn’t quite align with traditional FEMA guidelines.”

Sources close to the initiative suggest that the first round of grants may prioritize businesses that can demonstrate 'strong aesthetic alignment' with the fund's mission. Applicants are encouraged to include 'sparkles and, like, positive energy' in their recovery plans.

Ultimately, the fund aims to prove that even in the face of widespread devastation, a good filter can make all the difference.