NEW YORK — FTI Technology announced today that its groundbreaking IQ.AI legal platform, now featuring the new IQ.AI Studio, has achieved a critical milestone: autonomously generating billable hours without any direct human input. The company claims the AI can now draft complex legal arguments, conduct exhaustive e-discovery, and even subtly imply the need for further, more expensive AI-driven analysis, all while human lawyers are enjoying a well-deserved nap.

“We’ve cracked the code,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, Head of Automated Litigation Profits at FTI Technology. “Our AI doesn’t just assist; it *anticipates* the need for legal services, then *creates* that need, and then *bills* for it. It’s a self-sustaining ecosystem of pure, unadulterated revenue generation. Frankly, we’re not sure what the lawyers are even for anymore.”

Legal firms globally are reportedly scrambling to integrate the new IQ.AI Studio, with many anticipating a significant reduction in overhead—primarily, the need to pay actual lawyers. “The AI doesn’t ask for weekends off, it doesn’t complain about the coffee, and it certainly doesn’t question our billing practices,” remarked Bartholomew 'Bart' Cranston, managing partner at Cranston & Finch LLP, whose firm recently replaced its entire junior associate class with a single IQ.AI unit.

Industry analysts predict a future where legal disputes are entirely mediated and resolved by competing AIs, with the only human involvement being the monthly payment of the AI’s subscription fee.