LOS ANGELES, CA — In a move lauded by literally dozens of industry insiders, record labels and streaming platforms have officially renamed the weekly deluge of fresh tracks from 'New Music Friday' to 'New Music Drowning.' The change, effective immediately, aims to better manage consumer expectations regarding the sheer volume and often indistinguishable quality of new releases.

“For too long, we’ve been pretending that every Friday was a curated feast of sonic innovation,” stated Brenda Songbird, Head of Brand Synergy at Universal Melodies. “In reality, it’s a firehose of content, much of which is indistinguishable from last week’s firehose content. We felt it was time to be honest with the public.”

Listeners have reportedly welcomed the candor. “I used to feel guilty for not listening to all 7,000 new songs every week,” confessed avid music consumer, Chad Vinyl. “Now, knowing it’s a 'drowning,' I feel perfectly justified in just replaying the same three songs I already know and love.” Industry analysts suggest the rebrand could lead to a significant reduction in listener anxiety and a slight increase in the average time spent actually enjoying music, rather than just scrolling past it.

While some smaller artists expressed concern about their work being lost in the 'drowning,' larger labels assured them that their marketing budgets would ensure they remained prominently visible, like particularly buoyant debris in a vast, overwhelming ocean of sound.

Experts predict the next logical step will be the introduction of 'New Music Wednesday: Just the Good Stuff (Maybe),' followed by 'New Music Monday: We Found One That’s Okay.'