MENLO PARK, CA — Meta Platforms, Inc. today celebrated a groundbreaking achievement in artificial intelligence, announcing that its AI systems have become so incredibly efficient they can now perform the tasks of approximately 20% of its human employees. The company, which has been aggressively investing in AI development, confirmed that these newfound efficiencies will result in significant layoffs across various departments.

“We’ve always believed in the transformative power of AI, and frankly, it’s transforming our payroll,” stated Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Meta, in a prerecorded, slightly glitchy avatar address. “Our AI isn’t just good; it’s ‘two out of ten employees no longer necessary’ good. This is a testament to our commitment to innovation and, more importantly, shareholder value.”

Industry analysts quickly praised the move, noting that the company’s heavy investment in AI was finally paying dividends, albeit in the form of pink slips. “It’s a classic Silicon Valley success story,” commented Dr. Evelyn Chen, a fictional tech ethicist. “You spend billions on futuristic tech, then that tech helps you save millions by eliminating human jobs. It’s the circle of digital life.”

Sources within Meta, speaking anonymously, reported that the AI’s next project is reportedly to optimize the company’s remaining human resources into a single, highly efficient, and perpetually stressed individual. The company also clarified that the AI itself would not be taking a pay cut, as it does not technically have a salary or, for that matter, a mouth to feed.

Meta confirmed it would be offering affected employees a generous severance package, which includes a free, limited-edition NFT of their former job description, minted by their AI replacement.