PORT MORESBY, NEW GUINEA — Two species of marsupials, previously believed to have vanished from the Earth 7,000 years ago, have reportedly confirmed they were never actually extinct, but rather, were simply very good at avoiding human interaction. The Attenborough's Long-beaked Echidna and the Mayr's Forest Wallaby were 'rediscovered' by scientists this week, much to the animals' apparent chagrin.

“Honestly, we had a good thing going,” stated a representative for the echidna, who identified himself only as 'Spike,' through a series of complex grunts and subtle eye-rolls. “Seven millennia of peace and quiet. No selfies, no documentaries, no ‘conservation efforts’ that involve us being poked and prodded. It was glorious.”

Dr. Elara Vance, lead researcher for the expedition, expressed her team’s excitement, noting, “This is an incredible testament to the resilience of nature!” Spike, however, countered, “No, it’s a testament to our ability to hide from you lot. We saw you coming a mile away, frankly. You’re not exactly subtle.”

The wallaby, who declined to be named, added, “We even had a betting pool going on how long it would take for them to find us. Seven thousand years was a new record. We thought we’d be safe for at least another five hundred.”

Conservationists are now scrambling to protect the 'newly discovered' species, while the marsupials are reportedly exploring new, even more remote hiding spots, possibly on a different tectonic plate.