LAS VEGAS, NV — After decades of contentious negotiations and increasingly dire warnings, the Lower Basin states of Arizona, California, and Nevada have finally achieved a rare moment of unity: they all agree the Upper Basin states are primarily at fault for the Colorado River's dwindling supply. The unprecedented accord was announced following a marathon, 14-hour summit held in a windowless conference room at a resort that features an indoor water park.

“We’ve spent years looking inward, asking ourselves tough questions, and frankly, it was exhausting,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, a spokesperson for the newly formed Lower Basin Blame Coalition. “It’s a huge relief to realize the problem is actually 100% upstream. Their snowpack, their reservoirs, their… everything. It’s a real weight off our shoulders.”

Officials from all three states lauded the agreement as a significant step forward, noting that it frees up valuable resources previously allocated to self-reflection and difficult compromise. “Now we can focus entirely on developing compelling legal arguments and perhaps a series of strongly worded letters,” added California’s Deputy Water Czar, Marcus 'Aqua' Jenkins. “The clarity is truly invigorating.”

Experts suggest this newfound solidarity could pave the way for future agreements, such as jointly agreeing that climate change is someone else’s problem entirely, or that rain dances are a federally mandated irrigation strategy. The Upper Basin states have yet to comment, reportedly still trying to figure out how to divert blame back downstream.