WASHINGTON D.C. — A coalition of U.S. governors announced today the formation of a new, powerful lobbying bloc dedicated solely to urging Congress to cease and desist from implementing policies that might lead to negative headlines in their respective states. The group, spearheaded by Colorado Governor Jared Polis, specifically targeted proposed tariffs, but sources indicate their mandate is far broader.
“Our constituents elected us to govern, not to constantly clean up federal messes,” stated Governor Polis in a press release that carefully avoided using the word 'blame.' “When Congress considers actions that could, for example, raise the price of imported goods or slightly alter the global supply chain, it creates an unnecessary burden on our state-level public relations teams.”
According to an anonymous aide, the coalition's next target could be any federal legislation requiring governors to take a firm stance on anything remotely controversial. “It’s about proactive avoidance,” the aide explained. “If Congress could just stick to things like renaming post offices, everyone would be happier.”
Dr. Evelyn Hayes, a political scientist at the Institute for Perpetual Gridlock Studies, commented, “This is a natural evolution. Why tackle difficult issues yourself when you can form a committee to tell someone else to stop creating them?” She added that the coalition plans to issue strongly worded letters and, if necessary, sternly worded tweets, until their demands are met.
Future initiatives include a campaign to prevent Congress from passing any laws that might require a state-level implementation plan or, God forbid, a new budget line item.
