WASHINGTON D.C. — The biotech industry is reportedly wasting no time in celebrating the impending departure of Dr. Vinay Prasad from the Food and Drug Administration, with several companies announcing immediate plans to streamline their product development by re-evaluating the necessity of 'excessive' safety protocols.

Sources close to the industry, who requested anonymity to discuss their newfound freedom, indicated that Dr. Prasad’s exit has cleared the path for a more 'efficient' approach to bringing groundbreaking, potentially life-altering (or ending) therapies to market. “Frankly, his insistence on things like 'double-blind studies' and 'long-term efficacy data' was really slowing down our quarterly earnings projections,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, CEO of Bio-Genix Pharmaceuticals, in a leaked internal memo. “Now, we can get back to what we do best: making money while occasionally curing something.”

The stock market reacted with predictable enthusiasm, with major biotech indices surging on the news. Analysts suggest investors are banking on a future where regulatory hurdles are less like concrete walls and more like decorative garden gnomes. One anonymous investor noted, “It’s simple economics. Less oversight means more innovation, which means more profits. Who cares if a few early adopters grow a third eye? That’s just market research.”

The FDA has yet to comment on the celebratory mood, but a spokesperson did confirm that the agency is exploring new ways to 'engage' with the industry, including potentially allowing companies to self-regulate their own clinical trials, 'just for funsies'.