NEW YORK, NY — Financial markets have officially abandoned traditional metrics like revenue, profit, or even a coherent business model, instead opting to value companies based on the sheer volume of AI-related jargon in their public statements. Marvell Technology’s recent stock surge is reportedly a direct result of its CEO’s masterful deployment of terms like “generative AI,” “edge computing,” and “transformative neural networks” during a recent earnings call.

“We’ve developed a sophisticated algorithm that scans transcripts and assigns a 'Synergy Score' to each company,” explained Dr. Evelyn Chen, lead market strategist at Quantify Capital. “Marvell hit a record 7.3 on the Synergy Scale last quarter, largely thanks to their innovative use of 'democratizing AI at scale.' The market responded exactly as predicted: irrational exuberance.”

Industry insiders suggest that companies are now hiring “AI Lexicographers” whose sole job is to craft press releases and executive speeches saturated with the latest, most potent AI buzzwords. “It’s less about what we do, and more about how many times we can say 'disruptive innovation' in a sentence,” admitted a spokesperson for a prominent tech firm, who wished to remain anonymous to protect their company's stock price.

Experts warn that the trend is accelerating, with some analysts predicting that future stock valuations will be determined by the aesthetic quality of a company’s AI-generated logo.