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#new york mets

Satirical news articles and humor about the New York Mets baseball team. Features parody and mock news stories on the team and players

Mets Celebrate 40 Years Since Franchise Mattered
new york mets

Mets Announce 40th Annual Celebration of Last Time Franchise Mattered

The Team Confirms Another Lavish Reunion for Players Quickly Running Out of Functioning Knees, Cementing Their Status as the Mets’ Sole Marketable Asset.

0 views·2h ago
Mets Pitcher Finally Pitches Professionally Today
new york mets

In Daring Shift, Mets to Allow Professional Pitcher to Professionally Pitch Today

The Bold Decision Marks a Radical Departure From the Team’s Recent Tendency to Merely Exist, Sources Say, Sending Shockwaves Through the League.

0 views·2d ago
Mets Trade Strategy: "Anything Not Nailed Down" For
new york mets

Mets Confirm Open Market Strategy, Will Consider 'Anything Not Nailed Down' for Prospects

The Team Reportedly Eyes a Bold New Era of Asset Management, Where "Value Is in the Eye of the Beholder, and the Beholder Is Us, Desperately."

0 views·Jul 3
Mets' Unlikely Hope: a Minimum Wage Employee
new york mets

Struggling Mets Inject 'Hope' Via Single Minimum-Wage Employee

Front Office Declares Organizational Woes Officially 'Ewing's Problem' Following Strategic Roster Addition.

0 views·May 12
Ohtani: Full Effort = Just Pitching?
new york mets

Ohtani selflessly dedicates single, full effort to pitching

The strategic decision to focus solely on one aspect of his job is hailed as a monumental act of athletic sacrifice.

1 views·Apr 19
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Mets Coach: Players Have Free Will?!
new york mets

Mets Coach Baffled by Star Player's Free Will

Manager Carlos Mendoza Struggles to Reconcile Multi-Million Dollar Talent with the Inconvenient Reality of Human Fallibility.

Apr 13
Mets Soto calf strain: Level 4 economic disaster
new york mets

Mets' Soto Calf Strain Declared 'Level 4 Economic Disaster Event'

A Minor Muscle Ailment in the Mets Star's Lower Leg Has Prompted Emergency Government Intervention and a Reassessment of Core Human Values.

Apr 9
Mets Manager's Matrix: a Masterclass in over-Analysis
new york mets

Mets Manager Commits to 'Rigorous' Daily Player Placement Deliberations

Manager Carlos Mendoza’s 'Situational Optimal Player Deployment Matrix' Receives Accolades for Its Commitment to Infinitesimal Detail.

1 views·Apr 3
Mets Fix Lindor's Brain: New Protocol for Costly Lapses
new york mets

Mets to Implement 'Executive Function Recovery Protocol' After Lindor's Latest Cognitive Lapse

A New Team-Wide Initiative Aims to Prevent Costly 'Situational Awareness Deficits' among Highly Compensated Players.

1 views·Apr 2
Citi Field's New Tech: You're Not a Fan, You're
new york mets

Citi Field Debuts Groundbreaking Tech to Enhance Fan ‘Monetization Pathways’

The New York Mets' Home Stadium Rolls Out a Suite of "Industry-Leading" Digital Solutions, Promising to Transform the Spectator Experience into a Frictionless Economic Funnel.

Apr 1
Marathon Game Wipes Out Nation's Remaining Attention Span
new york mets

Nation's Already Fragile Attention Span Strained by Extended Pirates-Mets Matchup

The 10-Inning Contest Pushed National Screen Time Limits, Prompting Calls for New Public Engagement Protocols.

Mar 30
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