#animal cruelty
Aggregating satirical news and humorous articles on animal cruelty. Fictional takes and witty observations on animal welfare issues
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Latest Stories
I Am Brian Blueprint, and Suboptimal Animal Protocol Disturbs My Homeostasis
The Recent Animal Cruelty Case in Bluffs Offers a Stark, Quantifiable Lesson in the Critical Biological Imperative of Optimized Living Environments for All Multicellular Organisms.
Animal cruelty charges streamlined to maximize court efficiency
Prosecutors confirm the judicial system now prioritizes reducing docket congestion above all other considerations, especially those involving non-taxpaying constituents.
I Am Animal Abuse, And Honestly, I’m A Bit Overwhelmed By My Recent Promotion
After millennia of quiet suffering and being largely swept under the rug, my career has taken an unexpected, and frankly, exhausting, turn.
Officials declare animal cruelty nation's gravest ill, human suffering postponed indefinitely.
Legislators unveil sweeping new penalties including million-dollar fines and mandatory imprisonment, promising decisive action on a problem they can actually agree on.
Henderson Community Finally Finds Consensus on Outrage Over Visible Animal Cruelty.
After Years of Polarized Debates on Housing Crises, Crumbling Infrastructure, and School Board Scandals, Residents Agree: "That Dog Didn't Deserve That."
Goose's Long Rap Sheet Ignored in Assault Charge
Legal Experts Question how an Avian Creature Notorious for Unprovoked Aggression Became the Alleged Victim.
New Study Reveals Moose Dislike Being Ridden and Spurred
A Landmark Investigation Confirms What Many Suspected About Antlered Mammals.
Nation Unanimously Agrees Neglected Pit Bull Highest Priority, Pauses All Other Crises
The Sudden Consensus over a Single Animal Cruelty Case Has Brought All Other Critical Issues to an Immediate Halt, Proving What Truly Unites America.
Local Authorities Laud Themselves for Unearthing 'Surprisingly Well-Hidden' Dog Fighting Ring
Officials Praised the Meticulous Investigation that Led to Uncovering an Operation Widely Understood to Be Occurring for Years.