#movie theaters
Aggregates satirical news and commentary lampooning movie theaters, their operations, and the future of cinematic experiences
Academy Launches 'Best Theaters' List to Divert Attention From Actual Movies
New Initiative Promises to Rank Opulent Screening Rooms While Local Cinemas Struggle to Keep Lights On.
New Horror Releases Offer Nation's Desperate a Break From Actual Terrors
Experts Confirm a Controlled Jump-Scare Now Offers the Purest Form of Existential Relief.
AMC Unveils 'Live' Concert Experience, Redefining 'Live' as 'Something Happening Somewhere Else Right Now.'
The Struggling Theater Chain Promises an Unprecedented Opportunity to Sit Quietly and Watch a Professionally Filmed Event, Just Like You Could at Home, but with More Sticky Surfaces.
The Screen Has Spoken: Your Couch Is the Only Stage for True Art
Streaming Success for Certain Films Proves Once and for All That the Public Cinema Is an Anachronism, a Relic of an Era Where Personal Freedom Was an Afterthought.
Movie Theaters Are Actively Sabotaging R-Rated Films, It's Undeniable Science
The recent streaming success of a certain 'raunchy' film proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the physical cinema environment is inherently hostile to adult content.
AMC hikes A-List again, cites 'existential' cost of continued executive existence
The struggling cinema chain announced its subscription fee will rise to $29.99, urging members to consider it a "patronage tax" for their viewing pleasure.
Disney Screens 17-Minute 'Mandalorian' to Remind Theaters Movies Exist
The Preview, Featuring an Unblemished Grogu, Reportedly Stunned Industry Executives Who Had Forgotten What a Theater Screen Looked Like.
Struggling Movie Theaters to Abandon Films, Focus on 'Out-of-Home Distraction'
New Strategy Includes "Curated Social Discomfort Zones" and Premium "Alone-Together Pods."
Alamo Drafthouse Unveils 'Audible Ordering' Feature, Claims It Heightens Immersion
The Cinema Chain, Known for Its Strict No-Talking Policy, Says Its New Phone-Based Ordering System Enriches the Patron Experience.
