PoliticsI Am the Optical Illusion and My Entire Existence Is a Cosmic Joke
Every Time an Astronaut Snickers at My Ephemeral Dance, a Piece of My Non-Existent Soul Shatters into a Billion Photons.
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PoliticsEvery Time an Astronaut Snickers at My Ephemeral Dance, a Piece of My Non-Existent Soul Shatters into a Billion Photons.
PoliticsForget Policy, Experience, or Even Charisma – the Only True Qualification for the Oval Office Is Having Orbited Earth, and a New Poll Just Confirmed It.
LifestyleNASA Officials Confirm Crew Is "Experiencing Acute Eloquence Deficits" and Have Been Cleared for Non-Verbal Communications Only.
ScienceThe Multi-Billion Dollar Capsule and Its Highly Trained Occupants Successfully Completed Their Pre-Planned Trip Around the Moon, Achieving All Previously Announced Objectives of Not Exploding.
FinanceAgency Officials Are Reportedly Exhausted from Pre-Emptively Denying a Prank Involving Four Astronauts and Billions in Taxpayer Dollars.
ScienceCrew's Top Priority Shifts from Mission Protocols to Stable Internet Ahead of Lunar Orbit.