BARCELONA, SPAIN – In a groundbreaking move to ensure student safety and, more importantly, program optics, the University of Alabama announced today that all participants in its study abroad initiatives will now be required to maintain a state of conscious awareness for the duration of their trips. The new policy comes after a recent incident involving a student who reportedly became 'un-conscious' during a Spring Break excursion.

“We believe this innovative approach will significantly reduce the number of students inexplicably ending up in places they don’t recognize, or, frankly, don’t remember going,” stated Dr. Evelyn Thorne, Dean of International Programs, in a press conference held via Zoom from her home office, which featured a virtual background of the Eiffel Tower. “Our goal is for students to experience the rich cultural tapestry of their host countries, not just the inside of a local emergency room or, regrettably, a morgue.”

The new mandate will include daily check-ins requiring students to recite their full name, current location, and the name of at least one historical figure from the region. Furthermore, a 'buddy system' will be enforced, where each student is assigned a peer whose sole responsibility is to ensure their partner remains continuously cognizant and accounted for.

“It’s really about personal accountability,” added Thorne. “We’re not saying students can’t have fun. We’re just saying they need to be able to recall having that fun, and ideally, where it occurred. We’re exploring breathalyzer-based attendance tracking, but for now, a simple ‘Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret’ will suffice.”

Critics argue the policy is an infringement on student freedom, while others suggest it merely formalizes what should be common sense. The university, however, remains steadfast, noting that future program expansions may include mandatory sobriety tests upon entry to any establishment serving alcohol, and possibly, tiny leashes.