SAN FRANCISCO, CA — In a move widely anticipated by anyone who has ever ordered a ride to the corner store, gig economy drivers for Uber and Lyft have begun implementing an 'Emotional Labor Fee' for trips deemed too short to be financially viable. The surcharge, which can add anywhere from $3 to $15 to a fare, is designed to offset the mental and physical toll of navigating traffic for a pittance.

“It’s not just about gas anymore,” explained veteran driver Brenda 'The Navigator' Jenkins, 48, while meticulously cleaning her cupholders. “It’s the sheer audacity of someone needing a ride to a place they could practically spit at. My car has a minimum emotional investment threshold, and a 0.7-mile trip just doesn’t meet it.” Jenkins added that the fee also covers the brief, awkward silence and the internal debate over whether to offer a mint.

Company spokespeople for both Uber and Lyft remained tight-lipped, only stating that 'drivers are independent contractors with the freedom to manage their entrepreneurial endeavors.' However, an anonymous source within Lyft’s 'Driver Experience' department admitted, “We’re just glad they’re not charging us for the privilege of being driven crazy.” Meanwhile, electric vehicle drivers continue to smugly pick up every fare, blissfully unaware of the psychological burden they’re avoiding.