MEDFORD, MA – Tufts University, reeling from a recent athletic sweep by a team literally named “Moose,” has unveiled plans to replace its venerable Jumbo elephant mascot with the “Increasingly Disappointed Squirrel.” University officials stated the change reflects a more accurate portrayal of the institution’s current sporting prowess and general existential angst.

“While Jumbo has served us well, his sheer size and implied power no longer resonate with our on-field, court, or ice performance,” stated Dr. Eleanor Finch, Head of Institutional Branding. “The Disappointed Squirrel, however, with its wide, unblinking eyes and a nut it clearly can’t open, perfectly encapsulates the spirit of Tufts athletics: persistent effort, followed by predictable, mild-to-moderate failure.”

The move comes after the Tufts Jumbos were decisively swept by the Jackson Hole Moose, prompting an internal review of everything from training regimens to mascot efficacy. “We asked ourselves, ‘What truly inspires our athletes?’” said Athletic Director Barry ‘The Hammer’ Henderson. “Is it a magnificent, albeit extinct, pachyderm? Or is it the crushing weight of expectation, followed by the quiet realization that you’re probably just going to drop that acorn again?”

Students are reportedly ambivalent, with some noting the new mascot is “at least more honest.” The university plans to roll out new merchandise featuring the crestfallen rodent by the end of the semester, just in time for another season of character-building losses.