WASHINGTON D.C. — The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has issued a critical update to its website, informing the public that due to a partial government shutdown, the website will no longer be actively managed. This means travelers seeking to check current airport wait times will now be left entirely in the dark, a move experts are calling “a bold new strategy in information obfuscation.”

“We understand that travelers rely on us for up-to-the-minute data on how long their lives are about to be put on hold,” stated a pre-recorded message from TSA spokesperson Brenda K. Filer, played on a loop outside the agency’s unstaffed press office. “However, the current funding lapse means we can no longer provide the crucial service of telling you how bad things are getting. You’ll just have to show up and see for yourselves, like in the olden days.”

Airport security analyst Dr. Miles Perhour noted the irony. “The shutdown causes longer lines, but also prevents the public from knowing about those longer lines,” he explained. “It’s a perfectly self-contained system of bureaucratic futility. They’ve essentially created a Schrödinger's wait time: it’s both long and short until you observe it personally.”

Travelers are advised to arrive at the airport with an extra three hours, a fully charged phone, and a profound sense of existential dread, as the website will offer no further guidance.